One Krisis After Another

Fun with Food Storage Network

2009-01-05T11:31:00.001-07:00

I've been following Everyday Food Storage for a while and she just teamed up with some other neat people to make the Fun with Food Storage Network. Looks like it's going to be awesome!

Win an Ergo!

2008-12-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

Win a Free Organic Embroidered Ergo Baby Carrier Hands Free System from Along for the Ride

And this will be the last time that we say goodbye.

2008-03-16T21:45:00.002-07:00

When I started blogging, it was because all the Cool Kids in Quark were doing it. I was fresh outta England, living with my parents, an 18 year old lonely misfit who wanted friends desperately, and who wanted to be cool even more than that. I did not get along with my parents, I was extremely selfish and short sighted, and although I had a plan for my life, it in no way involved marriage or children or ARKANSAS.

I am now 21. I have a husband and a child. I am no closer to graduating from college than I was in 2005. I still want friends, and I'm still a lonely misfit to some extent, but I've learned to be just a little more comfortable with myself (except don't bring this up on Sundays. I'm still terrified of Relief Society.) I like to think that I've become less selfish, and I constantly have my mind on the future (which is sometimes not the greatest thing as I ignore the moment.) I have a wonderful, healing relationship with my mom. I live in a house which we own. I am, officially, a Grown Up.

In many ways, 2006 was the best year of my life. I'm hoping I have better, to be honest, but I had so much fun with Brad, Pratt, Sarah, Matt, Miriam, Kayla, and Nate...it just can't even be described. You were there, you remember. Maybe it wasn't as awesome for you as it was for me. But it was exactly what I needed. If not for this group of friends, I'm 100% sure I would not be living today. I have never had more fun, more drama, more excitement, more randomness, more hilarity, and more insanity than I did during that time.

But now we're Grown Ups. We have jobs (most of us), some of us are married, some of us live far away, and it feels like none of us have time for each other. Maybe we don't. All good things must come to an end, right? Maybe I was trying to hang onto those times too hard. Maybe it's time for me to move on.

I could drag it on, but the point is, that period of my life has passed. This blog is more longer applicable. It's got great memories attached to it, but I have to face it--no one reads these blogs anymore, and no one updates their own blogs. Well, except for Kayla, who better keep it up or I will beat her pacifist face with a stick. I'm sure I'll see Brad and Pratt again sometime. I may never see Matt or Miriam again, since apparently they dropped off the face of the earth. Sarah, I don't know about you either. But since we aren't involved in each other's lives anymore, it seems moot to keep writing in a place meant specifically for a group I don't know anymore.

So thanks, guys. Thank you for the 2 years of hilarity, awesomeness, fun, and insanity. Thanks for the drama, even though it drove me nuts at times. I hope each of you find what you are looking for in this life, and that ultimately, you are happy with yourselves and your lives. I'm never more than an MSN chat away if you want to keep me updated on what's going on, or if you want to vent, talk, or reminisce about the good old days.

End blog.

For Kayla

2008-03-05T21:25:00.001-07:00

He's finally big enough!

I will post more tomorrow. It's a good thing he growed, he was running out of preemie t-shirts!

He's up to 7 lbs 2 oz. his due date is in 5 days. He would have been an average sized baby-thank goodness not a 10 pounder!

Delicious agony

2008-03-05T11:08:00.002-07:00

My kitchen is boring. I have hated it for quite some time. The wall in the dining room is too large for any of our pictures, so it is just plain and blank and... boring. We never used the kitchen table before my Grandma arrived - in fact we rarely cooked until my grandma arrived, since prior to her being here I was pregnant and unable to cook without puking. But since she got here we have eaten in there and it is still boring.

So yesterday, I painted.

Our walls are not white, they are a sort of yellowy beige. It is called "country white" and is actually quite pretty with our stark white crown molding. It's a very warm color. I was able to go to Lowe's and find a color that compliments the country white, and also matches our tile, counters, and carpet. It is called "Sand Drift." I was not sure it would look too good but Grandma kept telling me it would, so I decided to just go for it.

It looks. amazing. In fact, I know it is the perfect color because after I was finished painting, I stepped back and I could hardly tell I painted. I was so used to it already--it just fits. One of the best parts is, the wall I painted had been scratched up by the dog crate and it looked black and gross. Now it's beautiful.

Our walls are really hard to paint though. They are oddly textured which is a pain in the butt, so my hands are sore today. I also had to climb on the counters to paint the top above our cabinets, which was scary. But it looks so great, and I am so proud of myself. My next goal is to paint our living room the same color. The living room will be harder though because it is currently blue, so it will require a coat of primer. And lots and lots of taping, because of the crown molding, fireplace, windows, baseboards, ugh.

The bestest bestest part is, I am going to get to do my kitchen in the colors I have always wanted in a kitchen--black and white. It was done in blue and white to match the living room, but I always wanted a black and white kitchen and now I get it!! Eventually. I have to convince Nate to let me have $30 for neat chair cushions.

Also I decided a while ago that I don't want Toby to have lots of crazy toys that make noise or have flashing lights or animated parts. I want toys that inspire creative play. I want to get him a set of blocks. Of course he will have to stay awake longer than 30 seconds before I will do this :)

Aware

2008-03-01T02:32:00.001-07:00

Today is Self Injury Awareness Day.

PS

2008-02-27T00:52:00.002-07:00

Nate may be a fabulous father, but he is a crappy Warrior Man.

At 2 in the morning I hear this WHRRIRRRRRGROWWLLLLL noise. EEK!! There is a sleeping baby in my lap (he would NOT sleep except if one of us was holding him) and a sleeping husband next to me. "Nate! Nate! What is that noise?"

Nate lifts up his head. He listens. He goes back to sleep.

"NATE. What is that noise?!"

Nate lifts up his head. "What noise?"

THAT noise ! The WHRRIRIRRRRIRIRRGROWLLLL!!!! noise!!!!

"mmm."

If I die in my sleep, you may safely blame it on the husband.

(also, it was Nate's pile of computer junk.)

This post brought to you by Vicodin and babies

2008-02-26T23:28:00.005-07:00

It sort of took me by surprise. I mean, my grandma kept telling me how much I would love my baby just instantly, and how crazy it is that you can love someone so much just right off the bat like that.

So I sort of expected...I don't know. To be swept away immediately and to be full of looove. Or something. But it didn't really happen like that. I don't think I knew I loved him till I finally got to hold him. And then that powerful love feeling went into hiding.

It comes out at the weirdest times, like when I am holding him and feeling how soft his cheeks are. When I wonder at why changing diapers doesn't make me want to kill myself. When I think about how much he looks like my mom. I love him right now, when Nate and I are lying in bed and Nate is holding Toby on his chest.

It is almost like when I fell in love with Nate, only faster. I want to be a better person for both of them. Toby makes me want to be the best person I can be. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I missed this feeling.

We feel like a family, and I can't imagine life without this tiny little creature. Before, I did not feel so close to Nate. I did not feel like we were truly a family. Now I do. It's so weird that it just...happened.

Sure, I don't like getting up at night and being tired all the time, but I don't really mind doing it because it's what my son needs. I sometimes feel like a bad mom because I don't really talk to him yet (I just like looking at him!), but I'll get better at it.

Nate, by the way, is an incredible father. There have been a few times I want to whack him upside the head, but for the most part he is amazing. And it's a learning process, so I can't get after him too much. I am sure there are things I do that make him crazy too :)

Still...even though I love Toby very much, I only want one more child. I think it is all my fragile emotional state can handle, and apparently if my body goes through the same sort of pregnancy as the last one, I might die. So we'll give Toby a sibling, and then we'll be done. Sometimes this thought makes me sad, because yes there are times when I want tons of kids.

But then I come to my senses. Bwahahaa!

4 weeks

2008-02-24T21:15:00.002-07:00

4 weeks ago today a little baby boy was pulled out of my tummy.

1 week ago today a little baby boy was allowed to come home from the NICU.

2 weeks from today is when said little baby boy SHOULD have been born.

I have been a full time parent for a week now, and it's been...crazy. The first two days were very hard, I was tired all the time even with Nate getting up to help and Grandma taking the baby during the morning hours so I could sleep in. But then it got easier, Toby started eating more and going longer in between feedings. I decided to stay up till my last shift is over rather than try to nap in between feedings. It works out better that way. Still, it was nice to sleep all through the night this weekend.

Toby is up to 6 lbs and 19 inches. He's a-growing! I am so proud of him. He is the best baby ever, just wants to be held and loved and cuddled all the time. But he doesn't cry if you put him down. He sleeps through anything, probably because of all the time he spent in the NICU with alarms going off and such. He came to us already adjusted to a feeding schedule. Yeah, we lucked out.

The next hurdle is deciding when to do his baby blessing. I want to do it when my family is here next week. Nate wants to do it when his family comes at the end of next month. I feel like Nate's family doesn't really care about things and aren't going to be very involved in Toby's life anyway, whereas I know my mom and grandma are going to be a huge part of Toby's life. They already have been. Nate just wants his dad to stand in the circle. Well I want my dad to stand in the circle too. Maybe we should just wait till this summer.

Nate snores very loudly.

It feels hard.

2008-02-20T21:51:00.002-07:00

We were able to bring Toby home on Sunday. I am tired. Nate is tired. Since Toby sleeps 22 hours a day, he is not tired. We should not be tired, since he sleeps so much, but there is a lot to do, and he eats every 3 hours, which is not enough time for a good long nap. It is okay. Nate says we will survive.

I will wait and see.

He has a doctor appointment on Friday and I am hopeful he is gaining weight, as feeding him has been interesting. He is VERY STUBBORN and when he doesn't want to eat, he just clenches his gums shut and won't eat. Dang baby.

I am somewhat sick. I think it is because my blood pressure is now too LOW. 120/66 may not seem low to some, but to me that's comatose. Hopefully my doctor will take me off the blood pressure medicine soon.

I am on Zoloft for post partum depression, social anxiety, and panic attacks. I was on Reglan to help my milk come in, but I have decided not to breastfeed. There are so many reasons why, but I only feel guilty about one of them. I am still on the Labetalol for blood pressure, and on the occasional Vicodin when my incision hurts. Which, coincidentally, has been a lot more this week. I am down to 1 pill a day on average though for Vicodin, which is good.

And now, goodnight.

Better

2008-02-16T00:30:00.003-07:00

I have started one new medicine. It makes me tired, but I can't sleep. Augh!! I am exhausted after today though. Grandma and I finished cleaning my house and reorganizing. I wish we had done before and after pictures. The difference is incredible. Nate and my room made me so sad and depressed before. It was small and awkward and I hated it and hated being in there. But today we turned the bed so it is against the wall with the windows (I never would have thought this would work) and now my room looks HUGE and OPEN and amazing. Oh man.

I feel like a much better parent today. I changed Toby's diaper, fed him (he ate almost 2 whole ounces!!) and tried to calm him down when he got the hiccups and fussy. Burping is still really hard and awkward for me, but I think it will come.

Yesterday when we went to see him, right as we were scrubbing in they gave him a HepB vaccine. He screamed and was very mad about the whole thing but he calmed down within a minute. Tomorrow morning he is being circumsized. I am torn about being there. On the one hand, I want to be able to hold my baby and comfort him. On the other, he will not remember this, but I will remember his screaming forever and that would be ... hard. Luckily the doctor solved it for me by saying I can't be there anyway.

The bestest news of all is, tomorrow evening we will be spending the night in the NICU. If all goes according to plan, (which it will, because I feel much more confident after this evening about taking care of him), we will be bringing our son home on Sunday morning.

It is so wonderful to think of our family now. We have a baby boy, and we will raise him and love him and take care of him. I don't know how to describe it. I know that our family isn't complete yet, but for now, it feels right. Holding him is so incredible and peaceful, and that's in the NICU with all the wires and alarms that go off. I can't wait to see how it feels when we can finally bring him home.

I can't stop thinking about it. I wish it was tomorrow. Oh Tobias, I love you so much.

(Tomorrow is also my baby shower. I am 100% truly terrified. Yay social anxiety/panic disorder!!!!!!!!)

Happy Valentine's!

2008-02-14T12:35:00.003-07:00

I am now taking 13 pills a day. It's getting a little scary.

Nate did not kill himself but he slammed his finger in the dryer, so he made a loud noise and I had to end my post abruptly to make sure he lived.

Toby is almost 3 weeks old! He was taken off the feeding tube yesterday so he is completely tubeless. I hope they let him come home soon. Grandma and I got his room all ready for him, now it just needs a baby! He is up to 5 lbs 3 oz, and we are going to visit him in the NICU later today and take him a few new outfits. Happy first Valentine's, baby boy! I miss you.

I have been a parent for almost 3 weeks and I don't feel like a very good one. There are days when I just don't want to go to the NICU at all. I think partly it is because I am lazy, and I don't want to drive the half hour and spend the gas money and walk all over the hospital. The other part is that every time I go and they don't give me an inkling as to when Toby can come home with us, it hurts. It is so depressing. And all the other little babies in that NICU... they make me hurt too.

I have to remind myself that I am still a little sick, that I am still recovering from Major Surgery! and childbirth. And that crazy pregnancy. On the days when I feel so tired that I don't want to do anything but watch TV, I remind myself these things. Of course, I am not just watching TV over here. My grandma is here and we are staying very, very busy with cleaning, redecorating, and partying. My house looks amazing, and we have only done the kitchen and Toby's room. Because I am staying so busy, I have very little time to myself, which is a little hard. I think that might be why I get so down.

One of the new pills I am on is supposed to make the effects of the Vicodin a lot stronger. So I am feeling really tired, and a little sick to my tummy. The other new pill that I am starting tomorrow is supposed to make me sleep for like 2 weeks. Woot.

Picturas

2008-02-10T16:43:00.000-07:00

The current cocktail of medication I am on gives me the most horrible migraines. So instead of posting actual pictures, here is a link to 44.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kraby/sets/72157603844806386/

They are saying Toby will be able to come home by the 18th. He is eating well and the nurses all say he is a very good baby. Of course he is a good baby, he is my baby! He is up to 4 lbs 12 oz. He is off all tubes and wires except a feeding tube, since he get fed through the tube every other feeding time.

Apparently Nate is trying to kill himself.

The Incredible Journey.

2008-02-05T22:59:00.000-07:00

This is going to be long, but know that it is mostly condensed. I am cross posting from a pregnancy forum I belong to. I can't believe I've been a parent for almost 9 days.

At 6 am last Sunday (January 27) I woke up with a headache and a big purple spot in the vision of my right eye. I have been on bed rest for high blood pressure since the beginning of January, and those symptoms were something the doctor told me I needed to get to the hospital over. So we headed to the hospital. I had Nate dump out the hospital bag we packed for the baby so we could smuggle in snacks and a water bottle (last time I was in the hospital they wouldn't let me eat or drink anything.)

We got to the ER and my blood pressure was 210/138. The nurse called Labor & Delivery and wheeled me up there. They had me lie on my left side for a while, take some blood pressure medicine, and after about an hour my BP still hadn't come down. The nurse walked in and said "okay we are going to get labor started." Jiggawhat?!!! It was such a shock. I was so scared.

My doctor was out of town so the doctor on call came in to check my cervix. I wasn't dilated even a fingertip. They started me on some pill, an antiobiotic, magnesium sulfate (for the BP), and normal IV fluid. After a few hours they checked me again and I was still not dilated. They started me on pitocin and broke my water around 3:00. They also attached a fetal monitor to the baby's head, because he had the hiccups for 20 minutes and they couldn't read his heartbeat through the belly band.

My back started hurting really bad, but I wasn't feeling any contractions. Really the most painful thing was my headache, which still hadn't gone away. It was like the worst migraine I have ever had. All day I just lie on my side with my eyes closed--I wasn't allowed to watch TV or anything because of my BP. At some point during the day they also informed me that I was severely pre-eclamptic, I was at high risk for any pain killers because of the swelling in my body, and my liver was failing. Great.

At 9:00 pm things started happening really fast. They decided they wanted to do a C section. They came in and started prepping me and I got really scared. They had me wear an oxygen mask and I hate those so I was having a really hard time. They wheeled me into the OR and started trying to put in the needle to numb my lower half. They tried for over 40 minutes to put the needle in my back. I sat there as they poked with the needles and pushed my vertebrae apart with their thumbs. It hurt. I just wanted to take a nap. They decided they would help with that and put me to sleep completely. As the anesthesia kicked in, I stopped being able to breathe. I tried to tell them I couldn't breathe but I fell asleep. Yikes.

I woke up around midnight and they wheeled me into Recovery. I kept asking about my baby and no one would tell me anything. Finally they let my husband come in and he told me that the baby was okay and the NICU team was working on him. After a little while they wheeled him in in his incubator and let me touch him (I couldn't see him because of the purple spot) and then they took him to an NICU a half hour away from my hospital. So I didn't get to meet my son till I was released from the hospital 3 days later. Argh.

He is doing really well. They took him off oxygen on Thursday and he is eating lots. He has started to bottle feed but keeps falling asleep halfway through. He now weighs 4 lbs 6 oz. His jaundice is dropping so they won't have to do the bili lights, hopefully. They took his IVs out today so all he has is the feeding tube. He is still in an incubator but he is regulating his temperature on his own. He is my little lion cub, and I am so proud of him. I cannot wait to bring him home. I miss him very much, but we do go visit him every day.

My grandma flew down yesterday to help while I am in recovery from the C section. We are going to reorganize, deep clean, and redecorate my house. I am thrilled. Nate has been able to go back to work now that she is here. My incision hurts very much, especially tonight because I walked for 2.5 hours straight today. It also itches like you would not believe.

The church has been incredible. I have not been to church since September and so no one knows me, but everyone has helped out in some way. We had dinners brought to us for a week, the Young Women want to help us clean the house (I am saying no to this), the RS pres emails me every day and came to see me in the hospital, the compassionate service leader emails me and came to see me twice in the hospital and brought me flowers. I also have a friend now named Leslie. She has had 2 preemie babies and came to visit me in the hospital 3 times. She told me what to expect with NICU babies and helped me learn how to use the breast pump so I can feed my baby.

So. I think I will survive this. I miss my son terribly and cannot wait for him to just. come. home. Also, I have lost 30 lbs since last Sunday, which means that I did not gain a single pound while I was pregnant. Involuntary bulimia will do that.

We filled out the birth certificate today. Here are his stats.

Tobias Hinckley Van, born January 27, 2008 at 11:14 pm. He was 4 lbs 3 oz and 17 inches long. He is too cute for words. Next post will be all pictures!

Baby Tobordan

2008-01-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

He's here. I will write the whole story when I am feeling more coherent (I am very, very drugged right now.)

I have not seen him yet and he is in a different hospital. They are saying they will let me go Wednesday, maybe tomorrow if I do really well. I can't wait to meet my son.

It's been...

2008-01-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

Well, over a week since I was put on official, mean, hateful, sucky, craptastic bedrest. 8 days.

The good and bad news is, my blood pressure is not going down. Not with increased medicine, not with bed rest. Because of this, it is my hope that my doctor will induce me soon so I don't have to keep being BORED OUT OF MY GOURD.

In fact I am not sure how high blood pressure can go before you die. As of last reading mine was 190/130. (It is annoying because the nurse checked earlier this week and it was 140/90. It is my belief that that particular nurse checks my BP wrong, as both times she's done it it has been extremely low.)

Luckily the church has stepped up this week and a few ladies have come over to visit. One of them reminds me of my grandma, and she was here for 3 hours the other day chatting. It was wonderful. I am not as lonely as I was. Just bored. And sick of my house, and sick of sitting down, and sick of sleeping.

I have a headache. We will have to watch it carefully today because if it gets any worse I will need to go to the hospital. Yaaay.

Giving up.

2008-01-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

Here is the short version of my day:

The baby is measuring a week ahead and weighs 4 lbs 12 oz (which is exactly what I weighed when I was born). He is doing fine and looks healthy, but he needs to cook a little longer.

Thus, I am on complete bed rest until he is born. I am on a higher dosage of blood pressure medication. I may or may not be having an allergic reaction to this medicine, but we will not know until I am over the bronchitis.

I have to take a new brand of antibiotic for the bronchitis since the last round didn't cure me. Because I am allergic to everything under the sun, it is not a great medication for pregnancy but hopefully it will work so I don't have to not breathe anymore.

I now get to have weekly (?) steroid shots to develop the baby's lungs and also I get to see my doctor weekly.

The baby could be here in two weeks but the reality is, I don't know when he is coming and of course my doctor isn't going to talk about inducing me until the baby is more cooked. So I have nothing to look forward to but a potential 7 weeks of bed rest.

Yes, that is the short version.

How high is too high?

2008-01-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

Blood pressure is at 195/120. I am on STRICT bed rest again, and have started a new blood pressure medication. I am 21, and I am on blood pressure medication.

Woe.

Vignettes

2008-01-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

I finally found granola cereal. It has taken me 6 months to find it because Walmart sucks. But the wait was worth it, it is delicious. I am not sure how healthy it is if I eat bowl after bowl after bowl though.

We went to Sam's to use our new membership cards last night and spend far too much money, but now we have lots of food. Yay food! Sam's also has lots of brands that I missed from Utah, like Tillamook cheese, Stephen's Hot Cocoa, etc. Mmmm.

I want my freakin' baby already. It's driving me crazy. I just want him OUT. 2 more weeks until the doctors give him the all clear to arrive...but 7 more weeks till his due date.

I also greatly desire this glider. It matches the nursery perfectly. But we do not have an extra $130. Whyyyy?!

I miss my family a lot. Last night I had a dream about them and I woke up panicked and crying, and it took me a little while to calm down and remember that they are there and I am here.

I can't wait for spring. I want to plant more grass in our backyard, plant flowers in our front yard, and start a vegetable garden. Also winter in Arkansas is the ugliest thing I have ever had to suffer through. Yuck.

And now it is time for more granola. Maybe this time I will have yogurt with it instead of milk.

Life: Optional

2008-01-16T01:11:00.000-07:00

So the doctor put me on "optional"/(partial) bed rest, meaning I have to take it really easy but am no longer confined to the Vortex of Boredom known as my bed. Consequently, I have been MIGHTILY productive in the last two days. So productive that I am pretty sure I should stop being productive or else Nate will think this is normal.

I'm not sure what Doctor is smoking though. On Sunday night my blood pressure was 190/120. And yet, apparently I am fine? I also have at least 3 more symptoms of pre-eclampsia, but whatever. I'm keeping an eye on my BP (we check it every time we go to Walmart, which has been um, every day for a week?) and trying not to do anything TOO stressful (like write Math tests. I'm leaving that up to Nate.)

The baby's room is completely finished! I finished putting everything away today, and it looks fantastic. It is now my favorite room in the house. We also have the stroller and the car seat now, and the stroller is set up. I may have "over exerted" myself yesterday when I moved about 500 lbs of books from one end of the house to the other, but I survived to tell the tale. My body is ticked though, so I think tomorrow I will work on my non-physical list of crap to accomplish. And I'll check my BP again when we go to Walmart for groceries tomorrow.

I am debating about what to do with this blog. College was awesome, and having a blog ring with everyone was great, but now that only Kayla updates her blog I don't know what to do. (Kayla, don't stop updating.) Probably I will delete you all and move on with my life. The great debate continues...

Out of the tornado pan...

2008-01-12T00:34:00.000-07:00

This weekend I am on bed rest.

I no longer have a husband but a warden. A mean warden who will only let me sit up to pee or to feed myself. Technically I am violating rules by sitting up to write this, but I am holding on as long as I can before I am forced to lie back down.

I have to do this until Monday.

Being pregnant sucks.

Although, the doctor says there is a fairly high chance that the baby will be born in about 3 weeks instead of 8. Woo hoo. I still maintain that if he tries to be born during LOST he is out of luck, especially if he attempts a grand appearance during the SEASON PREMIERE.

PS: It's not a cold, it's BRONCHITIS. Again.

Tornadoes!!

2008-01-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

The baby is fine and so am I. My blood pressure was really low yesterday, which is a nice change. I did throw up in the car on the way home from the doctor, and I still have a cold, but at least my BP is down!

Yesterday Nate texted me at 5 saying "Tornado watch!" Since I once had a cat named Tornado, I was HIGHLY CONFUSED. Then I realized what he meant. REAL LIVE TORNADO HOMG. Nothing very exciting happened. Nate got home and we went and deposited our paycheck and bought toilet paper YAY and then we rented a carpet cleaner. We are cleaning the crap out of the house while the kitties are getting neutered (yesterday and today.)

We got home and when we started cleaning, the TV told us there was a tornado warning in effect for our county. We kept the TV on and kept cleaning. About 20 minutes later we started hearing this weird screechy loud noise. We listened carefully and realized that it was the tornado warning sirens going off in our city. CRAP. So we ran into the bathroom and closet, listened to our crank radio, and hoped we were not about to get sucked out into the abyss.

There WAS a tornado, and it sounded like it passed close to us with all the rain and hail and thunder and WIND, oh my gosh. I have never been able to hear wind in an enclosed, windowless room before. But last night, yikes. The radio kept extending the tornado watch. Finally, at 9:15 after 1.5 hours of hanging out in the closet, I got bored enough that I would rather be sucked into a tornado than sit in the closet any more. So we got out and commenced cleaning.

Today we are fine and there appears to be no damage in our neighborhood that I can see. It is very cold and there are still strong winds, but no tornado. Last night the lightning went on for hours, and it was BRIGHT and LOUD and CLOSE.

I decided it would be really sucky to live through 31 weeks of hellish pregnancy only to be killed in a tornado. God wouldn't do that to me.

...Right?

So sick

2008-01-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

I made it back to Arkansas in one piece. Since I am a walking hormone, I keep bursting into tears at random times because I miss Utah so much. Tonight I started crying in Walmart because I wanted some soup from my grandma.

(And when my mom dropped me off at security I cried all the way through the line, all the way through the airport to gate E60, all the way from the gate to the tarmac, and all the way from the plane to the baggage claim. And then most of the night after that. Walking. Hormone.)

On top of all this emotional insanity, I am very sick with a freakish cold. I came down with it on Tuesday and it has just gotten worse. I think I actually caught a second cold from the girl who sat behind me on the plane, because since Thursday I have developed a mighty hacking cough. This has resulted in a loss of voice. So Kaylizzle, I will call you when my voice returns.

The last time I had a cold was December 2005. Even though I was dying, it was lots of fun because everyone came over and kept me company. Here I just pine for my grandma's homemade chicken soup.

In addition, I am worried about the pregnancy and the baby. Luckily my doctor appointment is on Monday morning. Now I need to go lie down and hack myself to sleep. Blehhhh.

Goodbye, goodnight

2008-01-03T00:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Utah,

I have been hanging out within your boundaries for almost a whole month now. I arrived on December 8, thrilled, scared, and excited beyond words. I burst into tears when I saw my mommy for the first time since July. I prayed that we would not die that day as we drove the snowy freeways and went to Ogden. I did not throw up on the airplane, but since Rio pooped in his crate on the plane, I almost lost it in the airport.

I saw my mommy and my grandma, and I talked and talked and talked with them and shopped with them and played games with them. I spent time with them, which is what I wanted most of all. I saw all my friends, and spent time getting reacquainted with Kayla who is no longer my favorite type of Ford, but favorite type of Honda instead. We got locked out of her car, we almost died in traffic explosions, and we considered buying the Krayola Box until we were informed they want $240,000 for it. (I almost peed my pants laughing!!)

I relaxed, I partied, I pined, I cried, I barfed, I drove, I sang, I slept, I dreamed, I watched, I listened, I grew, I learned. I got baby clothes, I got pictures and video footage of my son, I got clothes, I got books, I got a baby bedroom set, I got to take a FREAKING AMAZING 3 FOOT TALL BUBBLE BATH!, I got a hangnail, I got a cold, I got delicious food, I got reminded that I have friends, I got goals and a reason to want to go back to Arkansas.

This last month was one of the best of my life and certainly the best of the year. Every day I woke up wanting to be awake, excited because I knew something new and different would be happening that day. In Arkansas, when I woke up I tried to go back to sleep for a few more hours because I was so very lonely and purposeless. I had forgotten what it feels like to be excited to live.

I will miss my family so very much. Even though it will only be about 70 days until I see my mom and grandma again, I am having a hard time leaving them. I love it here, I miss it here, and I want to be here again. June is the next time I will set foot in this state, and after that, who knows when? Hopefully I will be moving back a year from this moment, but you never know.

And so, my vacation and extremely needed breath of fresh air, hope, and life draws to a close. At 5:15 pm tomorrow I will be headed back to my husband and my kitties and to the land where Walmart beats God. I will take my cold and hope to infect the universe.

If I missed hanging out with you, or didn't hang with you very often while I was here, I am sorry. In the last six months I have come to realize just how much my mom and family mean to me, and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with them. It was worth it. The only regret I have is not making it to Great Harvest Bread to buy granola.

Love,
Kris

Big deals

2007-12-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure Kayla is a saint in disguise. I am so looking forward to the flight more now.

Yesterday was our first real anniversary. Nate gave me a new wedding ring (it's temporary-I can't wear my real one because my fingers get swollen and I'm scared they'll have to chop my finger off someday) and we saw Enchanted again and ate at PF Changs. I also got to bleed a lot. Yay for dr appts!

Tomorrow I will be in Utah. Holy snap! I will only be in Provo for about 30 seconds to drop Rio off, but at least I will BE there! I will miss Nate and my kitties, but I am so excited. I hope I do not barf.

Weirdly, we keep getting letters for my MOM in the mail. These letters have her complete Utah address on them and everything. I think they just got bored of forwarding my mail and are moving on to bigger things. Tomorrow I get to play mailwoman and deliver a few letters to her. Hee.

I have so much to do today. I hate packing. I also have to edit some papers, transfer some files from Romy to Dust, get my music ready and organized, pref. get a unit of Math done, go to the ward party, see The Golden Compass, get contacts and a new backpack and stuff and then sleep. I hope I sleep tonight.

See you tomorrow. O_O

Your sequins are burning my retinas!

2007-12-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

The last three days I have thrown up twice a day. Let us hope that I filled my quota for today too.

On Saturday we went grocery shopping and I accidentally bought 3 different kinds of drinks.

First we bought apple cider. It is SO yummy, but the dregs that always end up in the bottom of my cup scare me, and if I drink the cider too cold I throw it up.

Then we snagged some Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. It is a seasonal flavor and I had hoped for deliciousness, but it's not that great. I think it would be more delicious if it came in Diet.

Let me interject that there was a study done a few years ago where it was found that your tongue "feels" diet vs non-diet drinks differently, and it's not so much about the taste as it is the way the drink feels in your mouth. For me, I am a huge diet fan. I like almost any soft drink as long as it is diet. I love Dr Pepper, but only in Diet varieties (and it doesn't compete with Diet Coke.) Nate does not like diet drinks, so he really likes the Cranberry Sierra Mist. And I would too, except for the non diet part.

The last thing we got was Pomegranate 7UP. This is also a seasonal flavor, and non diet. It is so delicious I can hardly contain myself. It makes me feel happy when I drink it, and the pomegranate is so light that it just leaves a teeny little zip on your tongue. mmmm. Tonight we are getting more, because it helps me feel better after I throw up. I hope we can find it in Diet, but if not, regular is fine. Yum!

Chiver chiver

2007-12-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

This is so not an acceptable week to get sick. I want to be packing and jumping around the house in joy for my flight on Saturday. Instead I am freezing, coughing, and puking all day long. Last week I wasn't sick at all. This week is making up for that in full force. Being pregnant is not fun. I look like crap because I feel like crap, and looking like crap makes me feel even crappier. And also, the baby's favorite places are dancing on my bladder and sitting on my sciatic nerve so I can't walk. Thank you, baby. 3 months to go.

We finished Math last night so I don't have to be sick AND feel guilty about not working. Phew. Thursday is our anniversary and also a dr appointment. Tonight I have an interview with the stake president. oh well. Friday is our ward party and also THE GOLDEN COMPASS. Yay!

If I barf on the airplane I will probably die of embarrassment. We may be holding a funeral when I land.

Yuck.

2007-11-30T22:01:00.000-07:00

It has been an extremely depressing couple of days. For a while there it was uncertain if we would still be coming to Utah. But my mommy said to still come, and so we shall.

When I am working at my desk, Bamboo's favorite place to be is sleeping right in between my arms. Lately he has started sticking his foot on the keyboard, which is not convenient, so I pick him up and put him on the floor. We then have the following exchange:

Bamboo: "OH! I see you have accidentally pushed me onto the floor! It is all right, I forgive you. I will come snuggle more." (he does)
Me: *puts Bamboo back on floor*
Bamboo: "It appears you have put me on the floor again! I know you do not mean to. I still love you. I will come back!" (he does)
Me: *puts Bamboo back on floor*
Bamboo: "Silly human, you keep putting me on the floor! How can I snuggle you if you do that? Do not worry, I can do this all night!" (he does.)
Me: Sigh.

We have Basic Math B due tomorrow at 9:00 pm. So far we have 1 unit done and 1 unit halfway done (of 5 units.) We have approximately 226 questions left to write, plus 4 answers to make up for every question. We appear to have a good system going, but I wish we had thought of it two weeks ago when we first got the units. The worst part is, this particular course is on Fractions, which I despise. The more I write these questions the more I think "these poor children will never use this information." I feel like a traitor to my fellow math-haters. Alas, I need the money. Nate is sleeping, so I will get as far as I can writing the questions tonight and he will wake up early tomorrow and get started again.

If we can finish on time, we will be going to a sneak preview of The Golden Compass. If we can't, we will stay home and rot. Yay.

Mission Impossible

2007-11-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

Mission: Bake chocolate chip cookies before visiting teachers come over in 40 minutes.

Problem 1: Egg is dropped on floor. Cleaning up said egg makes Kris barf. Ironically, cooking with the eggs does not make Kris sick in the least.

Problem 2: Batter is too thick. Solution? Use electric mixer.

Problem 3: Batter is too thick. Electric mixer begins to smoke and stops working. Batter still not mixed. Crap.

Kris mixes batter as best she can with weakling pregnant arms, sore back/legs from yesterday, and lame spoon that will not short out. Excellent. Let us put the cookies in the oven.

Problem 4: Recipe says to bake cookies for 8-12 minutes. Cookies have baked for 15 minutes and are still very doughy. Cook more or serve? Crap.

Baked cookies for an additional 3 minutes, then let cool.

Mission: ACCOMPLISHED. Most delicious cookies ever made, and it is the first time I have ever made chocolate chip cookies. Visiting teachers enjoyed said cookies and were not poisoned. These will be going with me to the cookie exchange at Relief Society tomorrow!

RIP Romy

2007-11-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

Today my new laptop arrived in the mail. This will be my last post ever on Romulus, my Loyal Laptop of Dell.

He has been an awesome computer and survived countless hours of abuse by me and Kayla. I remember when Kayla dropped a full bag of powdered sugar on his open frame. Oh, Romy, you have been such a great puter.

I received him as a high school graduation present on May 27, 2004, so I have had him for 3.5 years to the day.

O Frabjous day! Now that I have a laptop with working USB ports, expect lots of pictures!!!

So hongry

2007-11-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

12 days till I will be back in Utah. Miraculously, things are working out to where I will have a new laptop and(!) money to live on while I am there. Oh hooray!!

Thanksgiving was good. I made DELICIOUS food and you are all jealous. Unfortunately the leftovers smelled up the fridge and now I can't open it without throwing up. Sigh.

I haves me a plan. I will have a baby sometime between January-March. I will take care of this baby for a year until it is old enough to be on real people food. Then, I will go back to school. I will start 100% all over as a freshman. I will kick pants. I will amaze these stinky School People. And then I will get my nursing degree in 4 years, and just when Baby is old enough to go to school himself, I will get a part time job.

Nate has a meeting with his boss in about 15 minutes and I am FREAKING out. It's probably just a "hi, how are you let me get to know you you are doing good now go away" thing, but I am hoping it is a promotion. Nate rocks at Wal-Mart, he is constantly amazing them with his computer ninjary, so we can only hope.

Rio got neutered last week and has been inside on house arrest since last Monday. He was so bored. I let him out for 10 minutes today and he got himself covered in black mud from paw to head. So, Rio will be an outdoor dog for the next 12 days, and then he will go live with my family. Good riddance.

Our house is a mess and I hate setting up our Christmas tree. Bleeehh. If I wasn't so tired, I would like to clean. If I wasn't so hungry, I would like to clean. But I am tired, and I am hungry, and there is nothing to eat and the fridge makes me run in terror from the kitchen and so I sit on my couch and shiver and wait for my new laptop to arrive on Thursday.

Also I cuddle my cats and hope they don't miss me too bad and that Nate feeds them while I am gone.

hee

2007-11-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

Who still loves me?

2007-11-19T17:37:00.000-07:00

Two out of three of my all time favorite bands are going to be appearing together in concert in Salt Lake on December 8.

Translation:

Mae. Anberlin. Concert. December 8. I will be in Utah. Tickets are $20. Also, I have just realized I know where the concert is. Not a good place for pregnant wimmens. But the Jon Schmidt concert on the same day... hmm...

Wootie woot!

2007-11-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

So for a few weeks I have had an annoying cough that comes and goes. It is a pregnant thing. I have wanted cough drops like crazy but I will only eat one specific brand of cough drops, which I am pretty sure they don't carry outside of Utah. So I have suffered in silence. (Ha.) Yesterday I was cleaning out our medicine cabinet (the sight of the Midol made me giggle) and LO AND BEHOLD, there was a half-full package of LUDEN'S CHERRY COUGH DROPS! Oh, bless whoever got those.

I have been craving meat but most of it makes me sick, especially beef. For Thanksgiving, I am cooking a duck. I don't like turkey, and they are all too big for us anyway. So we will get a duck, and hopefully it will turn out better than last year. I am also making stuffing, herbed mashed potatoes, and pie. I really hope that Thursday is a good day for my tummy and I don't barf everywhere.

Nate got to feel the baby move this weekend. This was exciting for him, but it's old news for me. It's still cool, just I'm used to it.

I went ahead and placed my LUSH order, and then I realized I had forgotten some things so now I have to do another LUSH order. This is not a bad thing, but I wish I hadn't forgotten so I wouldn't have to pay shipping twice.

The current plan for my Utah visit is that I will fly in on December 8 and my mom will pick me up. She will drive me to Grandma's house in Ogden (and feed me Bajio!) and then I will spend Dec 8-15 with Grandma. This was an extremely hard decision, because I know that all week long it will be KILLING me knowing how close I am to Kayla and Pratticus and Brad without actually being able to see them. But, my family will be busy in school/work all that week so I will be all alone anyway, so I decided to spend it with Grandma. Then on the 15th I will go back to Provo and be there for until Nate leaves. I guess. I haven't really thought anywhere past Dec 15.

We are waiting for an appointment with the bishop so I can get a temple recommend. I am debating switching my endowment appointment to the 22 in the Salt Lake temple. I would very much like to do that, but it depends on what Bishop says. I am getting excited and alternately freaked out. I read the first part of The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packer last night and loved it. Oh, I hope this all works out.

Also, I was a little sad because I was trying to take out my endowment on a "special day." Like, I was baptized Dec 3 so it would be cool to do it then. And then yesterday I realized that I had my patriarchal blessing on Dec 29, but that is too late. Drat! I will make a new special day.

I have been sleeping 18 hours a day lately. I am not kidding. This making a baby thing takes a lot out of you. Today I have to go grocery shopping and cook some dinner. Tomorrow I go get Rio from the vet--we dropped him off this morning to get him neutered. It is my revenge for him being the biggest jackass of a dog I have ever met.

This was a long entry. I go now.

Emperor of Ice Cream

2007-11-16T16:21:00.000-07:00

What is the point of buying glittery/smelly good stuff from LUSH if there is no one to get dressed up for? Crap.

21 days till I am back. I know I should be excited, but I am sad instead.

Baby has a new name. I remembered I have a cousin named Alexander. I have been having fake contractions. They hurt, and it sucks. Watch me give birth on the airplane.

I hate math.

Happy birthday tomorrow Pratticus.

Plans!!!!!

2007-11-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

Delta offered me two direct flights, two window seats, and six dollars to change my ticket dates.

Thus:

I will be in Utah from December 8 to January 3.

I vote for a party in the park in the snow with lots of hot chocolate and some sort of snack. Mmm.

:-O

2007-11-12T11:19:00.001-07:00

As you can see from the title, my mouth is opened in a silent scream. I have just looked at the material for my next batch of math tests. Oh. No. (Fractions. Decimals. Percents. OH MY!!)

Instead of screaming like me, go here and increase your vocabulary while donating grains of rice. It's addicting, fun, and I'm helping people eat. I rock.

Off to freak out some more.

Hope

2007-11-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we are calling Delta to see if I can fly out two weeks earlier and stay a week later.

Be still, my excited exploding heart.

Too lost to be saved

2007-11-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops as they're falling
Tell a story

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don't say I'm out of touch
With this rampant chaos--your reality--
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape.

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming...

Woe!

2007-11-09T00:55:00.000-07:00

I had to go to the hospital on my birthday. I was throwing up blood again. Don't worry, I'm fine. Bleh.

Other than that my birthday was pretty good. There were driving adventures and fun times had by all. Except at night, when I was all alone while Nate was picking up my medicine and a last minute (Extremely) birthday present. That was very sad, and I was so depressed. But now I have accepted the fact that I am the last of the core Quarkies to turn 21, and that we can all go out drinking together now. I'll still be the designated driver though.

I got a little bit of monies for my birthday and I am surprised at how scared I am of spending it. It has been a long time since I have just spent money without worrying about it. Like um since 2004? So today I spent $60 and have been having panic attacks all night. I like what I bought, I just... I don't know. I am weird. And being here with limited social interaction has brought out some of quirkier quirks. I sometimes feel like by the time the baby gets here I will be huddled in the corner with a tinfoil hat on.

I bought (yet another) GameCube. This one was $40. I also bought Super Mario Sunshine. That was $15. Unfortunately I forgot the memory card thingy, so I have to buy that tomorrow. This is the third GameCube I have owned and we are keeping this one if it kills me. Besides, I am pretty sure you can't beat $40 for a game system that is still fairly new and has good games. Also the first one I bought was $150, so I'm excited about the whole $110 off deal :) I want to get Prince of Persia and Twilight Princess now. I do love me my Prince of Persia.

Last night I had a dream where I killed Bamboo. Totally on purpose too. I can't stop seeing him bleeding and him looking at me and curling up in my arms and dying. It's freaking me out. So I'm going to bed and hopefully will dream about cleaning up sludge on the Isle Delfino. Buenos nachos.

O haha

2007-11-06T08:42:00.000-07:00

Blackout

2007-11-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

Don't kid yourself
And don't fool yourself
This love's too good to last
And I'm too old to dream

Don't grow up too fast
And don't embrace the past
This life's too good to last
And I'm too young to care

Don't kid yourself
And don't fool yourself
This life could be the last
And we're too young to see.

I has thirst

2007-11-05T03:19:00.000-07:00

I am not supposed to take hot baths. Warm baths are fine for now, but if a bath is very hot it can hurt the baby. I has a problem. It does not matter how hot I turn the water to, even if I turn it to the very hottest setting, as soon as I get into the bath I feel cold. The water feels just barely warm to me. How am I supposed to tell if I am getting overheated? Grr.

I have a cold. I have a really cool hacking phlegmy cough and I have a stuffy nose, and earlier today I had a fever. Thus this weekend has been spent sleeping. I am way behind on my math job, which pushing back my personal NaNo starting date until I can finish this first unit, ugh. Yesterday (Sunday) I slept from 2 am to 10 am, and then from noon to 4, and then from 8 pm to 2 am, and now I am so tired but I can't sleep. And my back hurts. Whiiiiine.

Yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of Kai's death. Bamboo helped me survive. Today is my last day of being 20. I want to go shopping and have a party for myself. When all you wear is sweatpants and baggy T shirts, you can start to feel pretty gross. So I'd like to go buy a new sweater and some make up and bubble bath and maybe! a birthday cake. And I would like to go to dinner at Red Lobster, but I don't know if I want to drive a half hour just for crab. Mmm, crab.

Nate and I are having a silent war. I am pretty sure he is not concerned with it because it cannot be solved until the baby comes and so he has put it aside until then. But I can't do that. Something gets in my head and I focus and plot and plan until it is proven absolutely impossible, which I don't think this plan can be.

My cousin is getting married May 10. I would like to see this wedding because it's going to be a million dollar affair, woo hoo. Ali is getting married on June 27. I was thinking, I could come to Utah for Cousin's wedding and stay until Ali gets married. My grandma offered her house for a week, and my mom offered me her house for the whole two months before I even said anything about my plans. (My mom will be in Uganda next summer for a month by the way. Sigh.) To me this plan solves all my issues: I will get to spend time with my favorite people in the planet, I will get some down-time from Arkansas, I will get to visit family and friendssss hello, go to all the places I miss, etc. People who otherwise would have no chance will get to meet my baby. And then Nate would come out on June 20 and we would drive to CA, see Ali get married, and all go home together.

Nate says no because he will miss me too much. I say I want to die. And that is the war.

My ear hurts.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T22:41:00.000-07:00

Like Kayla, I did not dress up for Halloween this year. I am claiming it is because I am still digging fuzz out of my eyes from last year's costumes (awesome though they were.) (Oh my GOSH remember how sore my face was for like TWO MONTHS AFTER THAT aahhhh!!!!)

2003: Awesome, snowy Halloween during which I fell in complete love with Evanescence and "Hello."

2004: Short Halloween celebration in CALIFORNIA at Six Flags. The roller coasters went backwards.

2005: Getting lost on the way to The House in Ogden/Roy/Bermuda/?! Severe sleep deprivation.

2006: Drowning in fuzzy doom! Preparing to move into Nateling Lair.

2007: We celebrated Halloween with cheese pizza, Starbursts, Hershey's Kisses, and Lifesaver Gummies. We decided to go a haunted house. And then I threw up. So we played video games instead. Next year will be an awesome Halloween. This year has been ignored.

Happy Halloween to everyone else!

One week...

2007-10-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

Just when I decide I like pizza, we leave Utah and I am surrounded by non-delicious pizza chains. Dominoes will do in a pinch, but what I am craving is the Fisherman's Wharf pizza from Pier 49. Mmm, fresh crab, baby shrimp, and tomatoes with alfredo sauce. On crust. Oh my gosh. I am hungry.

my ear hurts today.

NATE'S LICENSE IS SUSPENDED WHAT THE CRAP!? We got pulled over tonight on the way to the bishop's house, of all places, because our taillight was out. Nate gave the cop his license and registration. The cop came back and said his license was suspended. We had no. idea. Not even a clue. He's been driving on a suspended license for forever, then. Wow. So now somehow we have to fix this. Yikes. And then I had to drive. In my glasses. In the dark. Oh the terrification.

Hey Kayla, remember how we used to make up all those delicious words? Like festiasco?

I miss the Krayola Box. There are not words to describe how much I miss that awesome time. Even without heat and real internets and reliable TV to watch LOST on. PS LOST won't be on till February and my heart is broken.

I turn 17 in one week. (Wishful thinking)

This is the first year since 2001 I have not gone to a haunted house for Halloween. Weep for my pain, children. Weep.

Event horizon

2007-10-27T00:37:00.000-07:00

Nine days.

alonealonealonealonealonealonealonealonealonealonealone.

miserable.

Ouch.

2007-10-23T15:37:00.000-07:00

I just sneezed and I'm pretty sure my ear drum just blew out of my head. Oh well. I'm about 95% better. Still some pain, still not able to hear 100%, but I'll live.

The baby is a boy.

I am throwing up constantly again.

Go to Castle of Chaos or I will kill myself.

Guess that's it.

What a soap opera.

2007-10-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

Arkansan Medical Care is just slightly short of ridiculous. Here is what I have been through the last week.

After being diagnosed with an inner ear infection by the doctor at InstaCare (see previous post) I was given a prescription for an antibiotic and sent on my way. Later that day (Friday), blood began pouring from my ear. Nate scared me enough to get me to the Emergency Room ("what if you never hear again?") and so off we went, poor Ali in tow.

Dr. Tutt, who saw us in the ER, told me I had ruptured my ear drum and that it would take 5-7 days to heal. He prescribed me some Vicodin, which is exactly two molecules different than cocaine, woo hoo!, and sent us on our way.

Saturday Ali left, which was sad. The rest of Saturday was spent in a cocaine induced haze of delicious flowers and happy dancing fuzzy animals.

Sunday the pain started getting bad enough that the Vicodin didn't last as long as it needed to. I started taking 2 pills instead of 1. It was getting bad. I no longer had blood draining from my ear (instead there was a clear liquid), but I also could no longer hear anything from it. Sunday night was spent writhing in agony as Nate tried to sleep.

Five days from the original infection (meaning: I am supposed to be better.) Monday was terrible. Monday I called everyone I could think of, trying to find a doctor who could help. No one could see me until Thursday. My mom and grandma advised me to use heat. I had been using heat to no avail. So on Monday night Nate took me back to the ER and we shelled out another $100 copay.

This time I was diagnosed with an OUTER ear infection. Dr Holland put an ear wick in my ear to help medicine get to all parts of it, prescribed me with ear drops and 10 pain pills. He said I would be better in two days.

Tuesday nothing was helping. In fact, my face had started to swell up and so had my neck. I still couldn't hear, and on top of everything, I was out of pain pills. Again we called everyone in the known universe pleading for pain medication. No one would help. "Nobody's listening to you, Cokehead." So last night I spent sobbing and screaming and trying to sleep through the agony. This is the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life, bar none. I have been through a lot, and this is incredible. I am so ready for labor after this. Nothing compares.

Today we were able to get into another clinic. By the grace of God, I was seen by Doctor Holland (my ER doc on Monday.) So he knew I was not faking. He told me I was having an allergic reaction to the ear drops, but that I could also have a yeast infection in my ear. He prescribed me with new ear drops. If I am not better by Friday on them, I need to take an anti-yeast medicine. If I am not better by Monday on that, I need to go to a specialist. He gave me more, blessedly stronger pain pills. I love Vicodin.

And now, here I am. It has been a week since the pain began. Finally I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Let us recap how it has gone, shall we? Summary:

Morning sickness > excessive vomiting > sinus pressure buildup > inner ear infection > ruptured ear drum > draining liquid gets into small cut on outside of ear > outer ear infection > allergic reaction to medication.

Holy crap. Here's to hoping I am cured by Monday. Also, we find out what gender the baby is on Friday. Anyone care to leave their guess?

If ears make you ill, don't read this.

2007-10-12T09:02:00.001-07:00

So on Wednesday I was in the doctor's office (which believe me, is a story in and of itself) and my jaw/left ear started hurting. I asked the doctor and he said it was a normal pregnancy thing. So when it started hurting worse and worse and worse I believed him. It was when I was lying on the couch, sobbing in pain with my ear exploding from my head that I realized I was in trouble.

We called the hospital and they said to go to the emergency room. Well, we had to drive to Tulsa to pick up my friend Ali from the airport (she flew in from California to visit this week.) So instead we called some guys from the ward and they came and gave me a blessing. And off we drove to Tulsa.

(YAY FOR ALI VISITING)

Yesterday I woke up and my ear still screamed in agony. My jaw gradually got better but my ear was hell. So we picked up some Sudafed to see if that would help at all. At about 3 a.m. it did. My ear started draining a little. My internal optimist said that if I went to bed maybe my ear would be better this morning.

This morning I woke up at 7 and my ear was draining. Blood. So Nate dragged me to the InstaCare. The diagnosis was garnered by sticking a scratchy, hard object into my poor inflamed ear and wiggling it around till tears gathered in my eyes. This advances the healing, so I am told. The doctor then pronounced her verdict: Ear. Infection. A bad one! And my OBGYN is a jerk for making me think this is normal!

I was prescribed an antibiotic (unfortunately, I am allergic to the two best kind of antibiotic, so she gave me a third not as awesome one) and sent on my way. I took the GIANT HORSE PILL FROM HELL and tried very hard not to throw up (so far I have succeeded.) And now? I am sitting on my couch, with a tissue in my ear to catch the HUGE amount of blood that is draining out and wondering if this really is okay. If it doesn't stop soon I will have Nate call the doctor.

So if you have called me and I haven't called you, or if you think I should be calling you and I haven't, believe me. I want to call you. Unfortunately, I have no hearing in my left ear and I am worried about trying to talk in a normal tone with my hearing loss.

My life is boring, but the things that happen to me are HILARIOUS.

We will not survive this.

2007-10-05T02:06:00.000-07:00

This may be the saddest moment of my life.

"Hmm," says my brain, "I wonder when Trans-Siberian Orchestra is going to be touring. Perhaps I will get to see them. Hey! Perhaps I will go see them while I am in Utah! Maybe they will be there between December 22-30!"

So I check their tour dates. NOOOOO!!!!!! Salt Lake City on November 27. PERFECT TIMING, I might add, and ultra tragic because Kayla and I went to see them together on November 25, 2003. Oh the mourning.

But wait! They might be here, or near here, so I can see them!

Oklahoma City!! That is really close! (3 hours) We can go then! And go to the temple! When will they be there? DECEMBER 22. WHAT?! NOOOOO!!!

Oh!!! LITTLE ROCK! That is only 3 hours away too! We could see them there. DECEMBER 29?!!!

I am cursed. Unless I want to travel 5 hours to St. Louis, I will not be seeing them. 5 hours in a car while pregnant. Hmm. No TSO this year :( Oh well. We can't afford it anyway.

Drrrrrama!

2007-10-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

So, I am a member of this Deseret Book messageboard (and have been since April, so not too long.) Since I joined up there's been a couple of things that bother me about this board.

1) There is no PN notification feature, so often people just make up threads saying "Specific Person, I have PNed you." This, to me, just clogs up the boards and creates a bunch of unnecessary threads.

2) Lots of threads are started as conversations that could easily be had over the PN feature, or even over email/instant message/TELEPHONE. Stuff like "Subject: Specific Person. Thread: Hi. How are you?" GAH.

3) There is one person in particular whose writing style drives me absolutely batty. I am not kidding you, ellipses after every...single...word...maybe not that bad...but she never...uses any other form...of...punctuation and it...just....annoys the grammar...fiend in...me. This is not a peeve with the message board, just this particular member.

I know it is because I am probably spoiled and have had wonderful messageboard experiences (hello, Quark?) But today I just couldn't handle it anymore. The person who annoys me created a thread with Subject: Person, PN to you." There was no message in the thread. That was it. And it just grated me and I had to say that it bugged me. So I did, in the thread. And this offended Person Who Annoys Me, so we PNed back and forth and I thought it was over with. Apparently not, and I think I am done with the MB for the time being. If I can't get over the drama on my own then it's just not worth going back. At this point, there is no reason, and no friendships worth me going back anyway.

Also in drama news, today I threw up blood. Ask me how I'm doing!!

Ode to my beasties

2007-10-01T00:56:00.000-07:00

December 22-30! Why aren't you Utah children commenting with your excitement and glee that I am coming home?!!! Also you all need to go to Castle of Chaos this year, it looks AMAZING. http://www.castleofchaos.com

I am sitting here on the living room couch listening to the dog eat a bone in his crate and to my kittens snoring. Oh, my kittens. I know I complain about how hellishly hyper they are, but it is like all of my yelling at them finally sank in this week! Panda has been INSANELY needy/cuddly all freaking week long, which is a huge deal for him. (He got his big kitty teeth this week too! Aww.) And Bamboo is basically the best cat anyone could ask for.

When Kai died in 2004 I seriously lost myself. No one ever loved me as much as that cat, and I seriously thought I could never have another cat again. I have talked a lot about wanting a kitten since I got back from England, but I could never do it. (Of course living with Acouchi was different since she wasn't MY cat.) Anyway, when we got Bamboo I was scared because having a pet is a lot of responsibility, and my Kai wound hadn't healed even after 2.5 years.

But Bamboo was SNEAKY and has seriously taken over my SOOUUULLL!!! Well, no, but I was playing with him the other day and I realized how much I love him. He is the best little cat. He is so calm and loving, he lets me pick him up and hold him like a baby and purrs and purrs and purrs. He HAS to be snuggled or he will die. He rarely bites me unless I am bugging him. And his neediness is so hilarious. The other day I was doing laundry and he came over and plunked down by the washer, looked up and me and started meowing his head off. "PICK ME UP. NOW. I WANT LOVES." Oh my gosh.

Panda and I are still on polite-yet-distant terms, so if we had to get rid of him or if he ran away or died I think I would be sad, but I would recover.

When we lose Bamboo, I think that is it for me. No more cats. He is too special to be replaced. Luckily, I have 18 years to worry about that.

(PS Rio is big and fat and stinky. Ode over.)

Addict

2007-09-28T01:39:00.000-07:00

I am a Utah addict. I miss it a lot. I am trying not to be so homesick, but it is hard. Very. I cannot wait till we can come home again.

Tonight Nate and I found a DECENT MEXICAN RESTAURANT!!! I am thrilled. I was only able to eat the chips, rice and beans, but oh it was good. Nate got a delicious taco salad that I wanted to steal immediately. I want to go back and get my own. Unfortunately their horchata was the nastiest thing I have ever tasted. Yuck. And the salsa was extremely garlicky. But other than that, YUM!!

For the last week my throwing up has been consistently every other day, rather than every day or several times a day. Well, until today. This morning I walked Nate out to his car (by the way, this morning it was SOLID FOG! SO COOL! visibility 10 feet!!) and he had to walk me back in the house because I was retching so hard. I threw up once I got inside, delicious bile, oh how I have missed you. Then I fell asleep from 9 until 3. When Nate got home at 5:30 we were talking, innocently, and suddenly I had to throw up again. Now I hadn't eaten yet today so it was a lot of dry heaving and bile. Which sucked. Yuck.

And then Nate let me take a 2 hour nap from 11p - 1a so now I am wide awake with no sleep in sight. Argh. I hate that my sleep schedule is so off.

I think the baby in my belly is a girl. I am about 87.5% sure. Mostly because I keep having dreams about her, and because of some old wives tales. We will find out in about 3 weeks though, hooray!! If it is a boy, that is okay too. I would just prefer a little girl first. We already have her name and everything.

Just in case anyone missed it, Nate and I will be home December 22-30. I can't wait!

Vincent! Viinnnceeennnnttt!!!!

2007-09-22T03:14:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty good day. Yesterday was even better, but I'll get to that.

I woke up at 3 (yes PM, my sleep schedule is SO off) and watched The Golden Girls for an hour. Then I showered, got dressed and PRETTIFIED, meaning that for the first time in ages I actually combed my hair, put in my contacts, put on make up, and put on something other than sweats and/or PJs.

Nate got home at 6 and we went to the only Mexican restaurant we could think of, On the Border. Well, we're never going back to On the Border. Their chips and salsa are delicious, but the dishes have disappointed us 3 times in a row now. And as soon as we left, of course, we remembered that there was another Mexican place up the street we haven't tried yet. Argh.

I had expressed the need to engage in some retail therapy earlier in the evening, and as we drove by the mall I noticed our brand new Bed, Bath and Beyond had opened! Apparently it just opened on Tuesday. So Nate and I decided to go explore, since I LOVE that store. We ended up buying a silicon loaf pan, and!!!! Nate was kind enough to let me buy some booties! I have wanted to buy some Fluffy Socks, because I no longer have any (they were all lost in the move :( ....sigh.) But, when we were walking through the store, I found some green aromatherapy booties that have flaxseed inserts. You can take out the inserts and warm them up in the microwave if your feet are cold, or, if you can bake a potato on your feet (like you can on mine), you can put the booties in the freezer for a few hours and enjoy delicious chilliness on your tootsies. I tried the booties out this evening and they are FABULOUS!!!!! I am very excited about them.

Then Nate and I rented Toy Story and got frozen custard. This time I tried marshmallow custard and it was delicious. We have a new Coldstone that is right across the street from my doctor's office. Mmm. Ice cream.

Then we engaged in tickle fighting and Lost watching and now it is almost 6 a.m. and I am still awake. I told you my sleep schedule was off.

So, we have been rewatching LOST from season 1. I have decided for srs that Rose is going to die. Yep. After their touching reunion, I just know Rose is going to croak either just before, right as, or just after they leave the island. LAME.

PS Michael is a jerk.

PPS Ana Lucia is the female version of Sawyer, only less hot and likeable. Sigh.

OH and yesterday I got plane tickets. And British cookies, candies, and Thai soup. But the plane tickets are the best part. We are coming back to Utah December 22-30. WHEE!!!!!

The natural progression of "things."

2007-09-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

(macro courtesy of Kaylamin)

I am doomed.

Butt juice, forwards, and cats.

2007-09-12T01:20:00.000-07:00

Today my gag reflex was ultra sensitive. Thus, when Panda spread his butt-juice all over me, there were not happy results. Only a tiny bit of my breakfast ended up outside my stomach, but still. Did you know cats have butt-juice? I did not discover this until I was butt-juiced a few years ago by my now-dead cat Kai. He had FOUL butt-juice. Most butt-juice is pretty gross, but Kai's was especially bad. Panda's was just regularly bad, but if he ever gets it on me again I will not be held responsible for my actions. For the record, butt-juice is actually not juice, but rather feels sort of cool on your skin, like maybe you put rubbing alcohol on it. But it smells. Yes, it does.

Kaylizzle my potatoface, your husband demands that you forward something to me. I also demand this. I feel bad that you had a crappy time with Target, as when we registered with Target they were awesome to us. By now you have learned the truth, that Walmart has no equal. Except now that I am fully immersed in the Walmartian culture, I find that I despise Walmart and wish for a Target. oh the conundrums. I would also like to publicly thank you for introducing me to my current obsession: Not-Sausage patties. A breakfast or snack of these delicious not-meaty creations is one of the ONLY things that does not make me puke. Also, I believe Boca changed their not-chicken recipe because I appear to now be allergic to not-chicken. Mourn.

Tomorrow we hear the baby's heartbeat. Eep.

And now because I have nothing left to say: One of my All Time Favorite Cat Macros, in Honor of Halloween Peeps.

Ode

2007-09-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

Why Nate is the best husband in the history of the universe

Yesterday morning something Tragic happened. My stuffed dog, who I have had and slept with for almost 12 years now (barring the first month of marriage because I was scared that Nate would think I was dumb), lost his nose. It happened while Nate was in the bathroom. Because I am a pregnant ball of emotional hormonic doom, it happened like this:

Rusty's Nose: *thwack! falls off*
Kris (screaming, loudly): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! [curls up into a ball on the floor, bursting into hysterical sobs]
Nate (emerging from bathroom): Kris?! What?! What happened?!!
[Kris holds up Rusty's separated nose]
Nate: Oh gosh, oh no. [Nate tries to comfort Kris, Kris cries for ages]

Eventually my sobs subsided into hiccups of grief, which grew louder whenever I looked at Rusty's noseless face. It was decided that Nate would go get superglue whilst I called my grandma, who is, perhaps, the only other person in the world who knows how much Rusty means to me. Grandma proceeded to mock me, nicely, but still mockingly. Nate came home with the superglue and Rusty has recovered well from his plastic (pun NOT intended but funny anyway) surgery. (Well, his nose is still a little wiggly, but I'm not freaking out unless it falls off again. He IS 12 years old, after all.)

That someone else could care so much about the welfare of my Rusty was amazing. Plus I just spent the night before explaining how Rusty was my Velveteen Rabbit, and how he has been all over the world with me (Guatemala, England, Scotland, France, various US states) and how he was my best friend aside from Kai, who is dead. Anyway, yeah.

Then, I spend the rest of the morning feeling sick and the only thing I can think that will make my tummy better is Zuppa Toscana soup from Olive Garden. And breadsticks, and a Diet Coke. But I don't want to leave the house, so I ask Nate to order To Go for me, and he did, very kindly. A few hours later he helped me into the bathroom as I threw it all back up, and waited while I hack-gagged my way through the half digested remains.

He took me to the store to buy not-chicken patties and fries and helped me cook them. He braved thunderstorms to get to Wal-Mart and to Blockbuster, where we rented a funny Halloween movie. Then after we had come home and were safe and dry, I discovered we were out of ketchup (rendering my fries inedible), so he once again braved the torrential downpour and went to Harps (a local grocery store) to get some for me.

Then he helped me into the bathroom and helped me when I threw up the remains of that dinner, and cried with me when some of the not-chicken came up and got stuck in my nose.

Today I did not go to church, but he did. When I woke up I discovered that the power was out. This meant that I could not cook any of our food (all of it was microwave only) and that I couldn't even open the fridge because I was scared to let the coldness out if the power outage lasted for a long time. I texted Nate, who kindly brought me Subway food. He then helped me to the bathroom as I threw it back up.

He took care of me all afternoon and helped me to the bathroom when I threw up my dinner. And then he talked with me for two hours, staying up for an hour past his bedtime and helping me feel immensely better.

Earlier this week he brought me really neat red striped roses and British chocolate.

The moral of this story is that Nate is the best husband ever.

By the way, my barf bucket is named Charlie.

RIP

2007-09-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

January 2005-April 2005
November 2005-June 2006

Those were the best days of my life.

Hmm.

2007-09-05T12:55:00.001-07:00

Holy crap! Three weeks ago I decided to stop writing in my blog. Of the 11 blogs that I link to, I read 3. I was locked out of two blogs and the other ones never updated. But today I learn that I have been let back into the locked blogs, and now I read 5. If you other people updated more often, perhaps I would read your blogs too. Potatofaces.

I hate Arkansas. There are not words to describe how much I dislike it here, and how much I miss Utah. I thought I wanted out of Utah. I was wrong. Maybe someday, but for now, I miss my friends and my family. Nate wants to stay here for two years. I want to stay for one. We will see what happens. He is right in that he should stay for two to make Wal-Mart look good on his resume, but I don't know if I can stand it that long. I want my kids to grow up close to my mom and my grandma, like I did. I want white Christmases and snow in October. I want to be able to smell Autumn when it hits, and Spring too. Screw this Arkansas crap. I miss my mountains, my Bajio, my decent movie theaters, my schools, my Deseret Book, my temple, my townhouse, my life.

The tentative plan (if Nate can get it off work) is that we will be in Utah December 20-28. Keep this in your heads, children.

Let's talk about pregnancy! It SUCKS. Wimmenfriends, do not get pregnant. It is possibly the worst idea ever invented. Kayla and her adoption ideas are genius. I am halfway through my 13th week of pregnancy, and projectile vomiting. Still. Three times this week I have vomited delicious yellow bile. (Note: It is not delicious.) I now weigh about as much as a small house-boat. What I can eat varies from day to day, and sometimes eating makes me cry, but if I don't eat there's more chance of the bile making its appearance. My pre-natal vitamin makes me very sick. I am tired and sleep 13-14 hours a night. I am lazy, unmotivated, sick, and tired.

(And sometimes I wonder if the reason I let the house get as dirty as it does is because I hate Arkansas/therefore, this house. Make sense?)

My birthday is coming up in exactly 2 months and 1 day. I will be 21. I cannot dye my hair blue this year. Next year it is. TWENTY ONE. EW!!! And yet I am excited, because November 6 is so much closer to December 20 than September 5 is. I cannot wait to go home. It will be so hard to leave again. But at least I know we will not be here for five hellish years. Or even three, hopefully. In fact when we leave in December I know we will be going back in June for a visit.

I am very scared because of the baby. I always wanted my mom to be present at the birth of my kids. Even though it is possible she could get here in time, it's not probable. I know she will come anyway, but I feel like I need her while I am delivering (so she can yell at me when I say that I think the baby can live in my belly forever.)

Bleh. Arkansas was a bad idea. I got it. Now I just have to make it through the next 9-18 months, and then it'll be okay.

My life in a nutshell

2007-08-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

This is how my week goes.

Monday: Wake up at noonish, full of intentions to get a job this week, or clean the house, or be productive. Instead, I am sick all day, and spend the day sleeping and wishing to die. Nate comes home at 6, we eat dinner and he works until we go to bed.

Tuesday-Thursday: See above

Friday: See above, with the added bonus of knowing that it is the weekend and when Nate gets home we can be together all weekend and all night. Think of fun things to do that aren't very expensive. Come up with nothing because Arkansas is the armpit of the universe. Nate comes home. He falls asleep early while I play the piano and vent through the music. It is never enough venting. Usually there is some amount of depression and whining that is directed towards Nate, making him sad and frustrated, so neither of us want to be in the same room as each other.

Saturday: Spend the day at home because it is the weekend and Nate needs a break. For me it is a repeat of the other weekdays. For him it is a needed day of rest. At least twice during the week I come into contact with one of Utah friends and feel out of the loop and homesick twice as much as I do constantly anyway.

Sunday: Church if I feel like it, but I hate sitting still for so long after being so stagnant all week, so usually just sacrament. Come home and cook while Nate rests some more.

Monday: Repeat week in an endless, hellish cycle that makes me want to kill myself.

So now you know.

Squirmy McIrvin

2007-08-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had our first ultrasound and got to see Squirmy McIrvin. She is very cute and VERY SQUIRMY. No wonder I have been so deathly ill. She's about an inch and a half long, so still due between March 3-17. I can't wait to meet her on the outside, although I think Nate is in charge of diaper duty until he dies.

Congrats to Matt and Miriam. I hope you have a wonderful and World of Warcraft filled life together. Also we are poor and cannot afford to send you a wedding present, so please forgive our poverty and recognize that we still love you.

So I have a new car. I can't remember if I mentioned that or not. We bought it on July 13 and it's a 2007 Toyota Matrix. We went to get the license plates on Monday and guess how much they will cost? $1500. Crap. So I can't drive my car now, because we can't afford stupid @(#*!!!! license plates.

I am working on getting a job (have an interview tomorrow actually.) I am also wanting to get my medical transcription license so I can work from home when the beastie comes. Classes are about $1000, so we will see how this works out.

I miss Utah and so does Nate. Can't wait to come back in December. Sigh.

How the mighty have fallen.

2007-08-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

When I was 19, all I remember getting for Christmas was cleaning supplies. A vacuum, a Swiffer, etc. I had moved out into the Krayola Box the month before and kept coming over to my parent's to borrow their vacuum and Swiffer. That was the best Christmas ever. I remember thinking how sad it was that I was so excited to get CLEANING SUPPLIES. It meant I was grown up. Yuck!

The same thing happened when we bought our washer and dryer. I was SO excited. And SO sad for my former youthful self who just wanted movies and CDs and video games.

So here is a list of the boring, grown up things I pine for.

Sewing Machine

Bread-Making Machine

New fridge

A bigger kitchen, with an assortment of cooking pans and spices. Le sigh

A weed whacker

A huge bathtub with WARM water

A Roomba and a Scooba

There's more I'm sure, that's just all I can think of for now.

In addition I would like a Think Pink! bath bomb and a Happy Pill bath bomb from LUSH. Kayla gave me a Blackberry bomb when I was in Utah and I loved it. I miss LUSH stuff. I'm officially out. Sigh.

Being pregnant is lame.

Ah, morning sickness.

2007-07-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my baby was 8 weeks old, which means that hopefully in just one more month I will be over being sick all the time. I hope. My grandma says that the baby must be born on March 5, as that is her birthday. I say, "whatever. Just get it out of me." It is hard to feel love for a parasite that is making you sick all the time.

I got two great things in the mail yesterday. My mom sent me a package with diapers and a really soft baby blanket, and also my England album came! I made a digital scrapbook through Shutterfly a few weeks ago and finally got an England scrapbook DONE. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY. I was worried because I had a crappy camera the whole time I lived in London, but the pictures turned out fine, if a little blurry. It did make me homesick though. I decided that I have to go back in 2012. I miss my little Primary kids and the Tube and Covent Garden and Queensway and Hyde Park and why did I ever leave?! I wish I had been able to do more while I was there. Visiting Wales and York (again) come to mind. I think if Nate and I ever move there we will have to aim for Scotland, though. (I don't mind. I loved Glasgow.)

We took Koda the Dog From Hell back to the shelter on Saturday and Rio has been doing well. We took him to PetCo yesterday and everybody wanted to pet him and love him. I should just make a sign that says "HE IS A GOLDENDOODLE" and have him wear it when we go out. The cats have been hyper beasties and I swear if they keep it up I am going to neuter them myself.

It's hard to want to do anything when you're sick and tired all the time. Today I should go work out at the Fitness Center, but my tummy doesn't like this idea. I think I am going to come out of this pregnancy roughly the size of Guam. Yesterday I slept, rested, sliced my leg open, rested, went shopping, ate, slept, watched a movie, and slept. I am doomed.

I want to know what this baby is so I can start knitting a baby blanket. Can't find out till October though.

This ends your regularly scheduled broadcast.

Mini-Me.

2007-07-25T10:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had my first doctor's appointment. My parasite is due March 10, 2008. I refuse to let her come on that day as I already have someone born then in my family, so March 13 or not at all little baby! Heh. (The due date will be somewhat up in the air though as I wasn't exactly timing when my last girl time was, it is only a rough estimate.)

Today I slept too much and my head is EXPLODING. Unfortunately all I can take for pain is Tylenol, which A) Doesn't work on me and B) Is nonexistent in our house. Oh well.

The nurse gave me some FANTASTIC suckers called Preggie Pops. They are delicious and they help with nausea! As I am nauseated roughly 60% of the day, this is fabulous. I almost want to get sick again so I can eat one.

Almost.

I have decided that this parasite is a girl. Mostly because I have had two girl dreams and no boy dreams. Also because then I can dress her in My Little Pony onesies. And because our cats are boys and our dog is a boy. I NEED MORE GIRLS IN MY HOUSE.

And so I sit and go back and forth between abject terror and excitement. Terror because I am scared of the owies, not because I am scared of mini-me.

Also? I have a calling. Ward Choir Director. This does not alleviate the terrorness in my heart. If anything I am more scared now.

This is what my baby looks like at 7 weeks and 2 days old. Aww, isn't she cute?

(Alien Frog Baby!)

I have a parasite.

2007-07-14T17:39:00.000-07:00

Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...

Pratt, I owe you dinner at Red Robin's. December sound okay?

A new generation of Quarkies is about to come forth. April!!!!

Conundrum

2007-07-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

I was not as available as I thought. Every spare minute has been packed crazy, except 2:00-3:00 pm today, in which I lounged on the couch and enjoyed my not-doing-anythingness.

I leave tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about this.

I am toying with the idea of giving this blog up. I am not as close to my friends as I used to be, and nobody updates their blog anyway (except Kayla, who very possibly hates me now.) I also have the Arkan-Sass blog.

What do you think?

Good morning friends!

2007-07-01T14:31:00.000-07:00

I miss Firefly so hard.

Okay guys, I will be back in Provo on July 5. I will be mostly available for partying unless it interferes with with Kaylamin's wedding plans. After she is hitched I will be all the way available (except on Sunday.) I leave on Tuesday the 10th, so all partying must be accomplished by 10:00 a.m. on that day. Laser tag? Please? I have missed it muchly.

Also if anyone wants to trade me I have a $10 gift card to Cinemark, but we don't have Cinemark out here, so if someone wants to give me $10 or pay for my laser tag or something I will trade. This would also pay for my admission into the Thanksgiving Point Gardens, which I also really want to see again.

That is all.

(Oh wait. We also have yet another dog. Rio was a pain in the butt, and never MOVED, so we decided to foster a puppy from the pound. She's a shepherd mix, her name is Koda, and we are deciding if we like her still. She has been really hard to potty train and isn't doing so great. But Rio is potty trained now. Yay!!)

So many walls

2007-06-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, we have the house. It is good. We like the house. We also have the dog, who is boring. But we like him too. We are maybe halfway done unpacking, which is really sad. We also have a piano. It is 81 years old. OH AND THE BEST THING IS:

We got new cell phones. EEE!!!!

Mine is a Samsung Wafer 5-10, which was just released last week. It is fabulous. It is a bar phone (many of you will remember my fantastic hatred for flip phones) and it has a BEAUTIFUL camera, and it's pretty, and it's an MP3 player, and my ringtone is "Adelaide" by Anberlin. I could have also downloaded a Mutemath or Muse song. Eee. Nate's phone is a Samsung Snap, which was also just released last week but is not nearly as cool as my phone. His is a flip phone, but it does have a camera and while it can play real music ringtones, I do not think it is an MP3 player too. Ha!

Cingular was going to make us put down a $1000 (yes, one thousand dollar) deposit on top of paying for the phones + activation fee + first bill. We said WE'RE GOING TO ALLTEL. So we did. Alltel said we would have to do a $300 deposit. Not having much of a choice, we said okay. When we went to get our phones the computer made an error and didn't charge us. Woo!

Other than that, things are pretty good. Because our puppy is so boring and sad all the time we might be getting another one on Tuesday. She is a lab/shepherd mix (I think) and we're adopting her from the Fayetteville Animal Shelter. Don't tell anyone. She's very cute, but nothing is as cute as Rio. Even if he is a pain in the face.

Must needs sleep. Miss Bajio. Miss friends. Miss Utah.

. . .

2007-06-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

Yeah. One of those days.

One of those days.

2007-06-12T12:27:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Word. I need to go back to bed before I explode the universe.

Today! Woke up to the sound of Nate talking to himself in the shower and the cats YOWLING. Went to investigate the cats. What are they doing? Unraveling the entire roll of toilet paper onto the ground. Are they in any mortal danger? No, just being kittens. GRR. As I am investigating the loud, yowly cats, the Nate's alarm starts going off and it took me forever to find it and turn it off. Gah.

As I go into the bathroom to prepare myself for imminent doom, the lightbulb burns out. Swell.

This all occurs before 8:00 a.m., so naturally I fear what will happen the rest of the day. It turns out my fears were well founded.

At 10:30 I got in the car to go pick up Nate. As I close the door, a large spring shoots out of the door, along with a screw and possibly something else. The door handle is now broken. Forever. NOOOOOOOOO.

Is there any good news? Why, yes. Yes there is.

The cats, though obnoxious, are cute.
We are closing on our house tomorrow at 1:00 pm.
Our ward is not scary and I like it.
My family will be here tonight to visit.
I will own a piano on Friday. Craigslist is my best friend.
My husband has not yet killed me. But I might kill him. On accident. It's just been one of those days.

Someday...

2007-06-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Someday when I am grown up, I will go to animals shelters and adopt tons of dogs and kitties. Older ones, black ones, ones that don't have much of a chance.

We will live on a farm, or somewhere with a really huge yard and lots of room to run it. We will have a barn type structure where the animals can live. And my kids and I will train the animals and try to find homes for them, and if we can't, then we will keep them with us on our farm.

I want to adopt every animal I see. Especially ones from the pound. Sigh. But Nate doesn't think it is a good idea to drive 10 hours to rescue a puppy. Jerkface ;)

Someday...

101

2007-06-08T13:53:00.000-07:00

It looks like we will be closing on our house Monday. Barring any unforeseen complications. Nate and I are doing everything we can think of to keep complications away, though.

My puppy. I want him so. bad. The lady said she has a vet appt for him on Tuesday and will look at flying him out after the vet. ARGH. If I had known it was going to take LONGER to fly Rio out here, I never would have agreed to it! By the time I get him he's going to be six years old!!! I WANT MY PUPPY NOW.

As you can see, I am not patient.

I have decided that I am not going to make it in to college. BYU won't release my transcript. The forms I needed from a personal reference were not filled out by me, so I can't have said reference turn them in. There are no open admission colleges here, so I will not be getting a degree. Or a car. But at least it still looks like I am getting a puppy and a house. And a new phone. We are going with Cingular because that's the only network out here. Sigh.

I am bored and I wish to go home. Also we have no air conditioning in the rental anymore. Last night lightning struck the golf course behind our house (and scared the crap out of me). Today is an absolutely gorgeous day though, not humid at all and just a leeeetle bit on the cool side. Also? Gas is down to $2.99! $2.97 in Missouri. Woo!

Post 100, and NEVER BANK WITH WELLS FARGO.

2007-06-07T06:48:00.001-07:00

Nate and I found a FABULOUS house when we were here last month and have been working like mad with the lender at Wells Fargo to get the loan so we can live in this fabulous house. We were supposed to close on said fabulous house today.

Tuesday Nate tells me that Wells Fargo called him Monday at 5 and told us that we needed to fax in our 2005 tax information. Okay, but...why didn't you have us do this when we were first starting out with the loan process? So Nate looks around furiously for this form, and has to dig through our storage unit which is packed floor to ceiling, and still cannot find these forms because they are packed. LUCKILY our rental company had a copy still on hand, so they faxed it to us and we faxed it to the lender. All is well, right?

Surprise.

Yesterday at FOUR p.m., yes, less than 24 hours before we are to close on this house, the lender calls us up and says that there is a problem with one of the things we used to establish our credit over ONE MONTH AGO. What does this mean? In short, that we cannot close on the house tomorrow. That we must wait until Tuesday at the VERY VERY EARLIEST but it will most likely take two weeks or more.

This man at Wells Fargo has messed with my life, my husband's life, the seller of our fabulous home's life, whoever's house the sellers are buying, etc.

(Not only that, but my puppy is supposed to be flying to me very soon, and since we are currently in a rental apartment, we cannot house him. And my parents were coming to visit our fabulous home next week, which we no longer will have.)

I cannot believe how hard this has been. This man has made us jump through so many hoops, has given us last minute WRONG information, etc. And the worst part is, we can't say anything until after this whole thing is over with, because he can still choose to walk away.
I have not been this furious in years. I moved here on the condition that we could have our own house, and Nate has tried so hard to make that happen, and this stupid moron at Wells Fargo is playing games with us. I don't even know what to do.

Nate is going to do a conference call with Comcast and the lender today to see if they can use that account history to establish credit like TODAY, but I really don't see us moving into the new house for another week. I am a pessimist, and so I am automatically jumping to the worst thing that can happen. It actually works out better that way because then I think about different angles we can use for this, but I'm also prepared if they don't work. Nate, however, is an optimist, so I'm worried that he'll be like "Oh okay if I do this one thing it will go through," and then it won't and he will be sad.

Anyway, that is what happened yesterday. In addition to that, when we went out for our 6 month anniversary dinner they torched my salmon. Kayla said I should have started crying when they told me. She's right. Dangit.

And today I stepped in carefully hidden cat poop. Panda, I hate you. I am planning on calling several vets in the area today to see when they can chop your little boy parts off. WITH NO ANESTHESIA. Bwahahahaa.

(If there are confusing parts in this post I apologize. I originally posted it on a messageboard and have adapted it to fit the blogs.)

State of the Union address

2007-06-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was pretty much a day I never want to repeat ever again. Boredom + Hormones = Depression.

My calves, they are sore. They have asked me to not ever use the treadmill. Ever Again. I am sort of inclined to agree with my calves. I work harder on the elliptical, I burn more calories on the elliptical, I like the elliptical better... And the treadmill has a time thingy, which tells you how long you've been working out. I HATE that. I cannot look at clocks while I am working out or I want to kill myself. I almost quit today at 10 minutes, 12 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, and 25 minutes, but I stuck it out to 35 minutes. Still, clocks on exercise equip = bad idea. And also, since the Walton Life Fitness Center (hereafter referred to as the WLFC) has a walking track, I think I am just going to use that. Also, I cannot wait until I get to start the Zen Kickboxing class. It just sounds like fun. And I want to use the pool too, I just have to figure out the hours.

On Saturday we drove to Branson, MO to visit John and Christena and my thousands of siblings. (Okay there are only 6.) It was lots of fun, and since I wasn't distracted by billions of adults, I was able to talk a lot with Daniel (14 y/o brother) and hang out with Peggy and Caroline (11 y/o sisters.) Someday I will be a Cool Older Sister (COS). We also saw a show with lots of crazy music, and I decided that the next instrument I learn will be the Violin. And that is why I bought one. Eep.

I have pictures of the kittens to post, but alas, I cannot because my computer is old and corroded. We decided that we are NOT driving to Pennsylvania to pick up Rio the Puppy. It is too far and too soon after our last major road trip. So today I am mailing a check to Puppy Lady to have my puppy shipped to me. Oh, I am so happy, and I hope he gets here soon.

Also, my mother has learned to text. I am so thrilled. I have always wanted to text my mommy. So we have been doing that. And I am trying to figure out a way to meet them at Six Flags over St Louis, but since it is five hours away and we only have one car, I think it will be impossible. Sigh.

Pickle you, kumquat.

2007-06-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

I want to go home.

We has Intarwebs!

2007-05-31T16:27:00.000-07:00

Nate killed a squirrel. I have seen two deer. I want Chinese food. Preferrably not made out of deer. I might get a job doing what I was doing for CTMH, only for a credit card company. Getting paid more than you, btw. Okay maybe not, but I heard the going rate was $12.00/hr :P

ONE WEEK and we will have possession of our house. Today I worked out at Walmart Fitness Center. And I drove to Fayetteville, which has everything I was afraid I'd miss, except Bajio. But they made up for it with a Steak n' Shake, which is a fabulous fast food restaurant with AMAZING shakes. They only have them in the southeasty I guess.

yesterday I got lost and found:

Kayla Dr
Easy St
Rivendell Apartments

etc

Update your blogs.

Tag

2007-05-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

We are in Arkansas. Our rental is in the middle of nowhere. We are glad we did not decide to live in Bella Vista. No food places will deliver and it takes us 15 minutes just to get out of the hole where our house is buried in the mountains. I am applying for jobs. My computer sucks and I can't see what I am doing and my battery is about to die. maybe more later. When I have battery. And Internet. Yeah, that would be nice. Grr.

PS Panda is officially litter box trained, though sometimes he forgets where the litter box is and cries until you take him to where it is. Also? Last night, for the first time ever, he purred. I just about fell off the couch. So we will be keeping him, because apparently he is coming around.

Of course I think Nate damaged him by sitting on him, but that's okay. We still love them.

Happy graduation

2007-05-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

Three years ago today I graduated from high school. Woo!!

Nate and I are in Cheyenne.

I have a new blog, but will continue to write in this one. The other one is really just for my family and stuff. If you are intrigued (and you should be) the url is:

http://arkan-sass.blogspot.com

Woo. Time to check out.

The damage

2007-05-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

Boxes packed: 6
Garbage bags packed: 20
Cats acquired: 2
Number of Satanic cats: 1 (I affectionately call him Korihor)
People slain: 1.5
Food eaten: 0
Food wanted to be eaten: 10000000000
Food in house: 0
Number of tracks in Kris's mind: 1
Food: still 0
Laser tag score: Better than most of you
Desire to brave the grand opening of IKEA on scale of 1-10: 11, but no car
Desire to continue with this list thingy: -6

As previously mentioned we now have two cats. One generally resembles an orange rat, never shuts up, and is very cuddly and lovey. His name is Bamboo. The other one is ridiculously adorable but has not yet made a single purring noise (though he does cry when you lock him in the bathroom) and he bites. I have named him Korihor. Nate calls him Panda. Koripanda was previously content to pee all over the house, but I think we have solved the problem with a new brand of litter. Which makes the other brand of litter that we bought useless. Anyone want a bag of Feline Pine?

When I was in England an IKEA opened up in London. They closed it within the first two hours because of the riots. Yes, people were trampled and rioting trying to get into IKEA. Despite this, I am DYING to go visit the one here. I think tomorrow would be a good day. Alas, Husband will have to watch me like a hawk to make sure I do not spend our house-money. Dangit. (But there's this couch I really want...)

I think if I do not get a Flauta salad from Bajio today my soul will wither and die. Yes, it is that desperate. We have no food left and even if we did, I have no desire to cook anyway.

I was pretty impressed with my general level of awesomeness in laser tag last night. And for the first time I am not sore today. Unfortunately last night was the first time I ever found a certain hiding spot, and it was PERFECT and I found it at the end of the game. Which means? There will be more laser tagging when I come back in July. And you will all want to be on my team.

I should really start packing, but today I realized that I have been sorely neglecting some scripture reading. Shewt. I certainly have come a long way since this time last year. Even if I'm still on the D&C and I was supposed to be done with it like 3 months ago. NATHANIEL. I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.

Apparently I still need to work on patience. I think I should probably read before I commit spouseicide.

I really need to get back into school. I'm pretty sure my brain is melting and all my writing sounds...melty. Somebody set us up the bomb!

(Still no food, no car, no IKEA, and no angelic kitty. Dooooom!)

((This is a really long entry. It may also be the last one I make in Utah. Whine.))

(((Nate, I still love you. But you now officially owe me Bajio.)))

((((You know what I think we should do? I think we should just throw away everything and buy new stuff in ArKansas. That way I don't have to pack, we don't have to worry about things breaking, and I can get new cool stuff. Woo!))))

It's like a fruit bowl exploded in there!

2007-05-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

Naming a kitten Copernicus brings up the issue of what to call him for short. Nick or Nicky are the only options that spring to mind, and I'm just not sure I like those names for a kitten. Sigh.

You said yourself I don't owe you anything. What goes around comes around.

One year ago today I was dying because Nate was being, frankly, a moron. So I cut. Yes friends, today, May 20, (not March 13 as previously stated), was the last time I cut. Weirdweirdweird. Visiting Rutter (my high school creative writing teacher) on ...whenever we visited him... made me want to cut again though. Weird how that works out.

I HATE kitchen islands. HGTV people are dumb. I am really, really excited that our new house doesn't have stairs. I am really sore from the 5K run/walk yesterday, and going up those stairs makes me want to die a little on the inside. I wish the lady we are buying our puppy from would be true to her word and send me pictures and info on his progress. He's almost 2 months old now. So cute!

We're leaving on Friday and I have 1.5 boxes packed. Such doom is about to rain upon me. Don't worry Pratt, I am not NOT moving the desk. ...Then again...

Miss you, miss you.

2007-05-17T17:08:00.001-07:00

Today was one of those days you think about and go "hmm. What was the point of this one again?"

Oh don't get me wrong, I am blessed (Oh Lord. I have turned into Bonnie. No one will get this reference except for me.), but today was just kind of...ew.

I was locked out of the house for a few hours, which wasn't so bad because Kayla SAVED. MY. LIFE by driving me to the local Deseret Book, where I read and waited for Nate to come home from work to get me. I'm glad I didn't walk, because I would have been caught in the mad random thunderstorm that made it impossible to see Walmart from Deseret Book's window. Walmart is only about 50 yards from Deseret Book, very clearly visible. Except in the mad rainstorm.

Mom called to say "don't be offended, but do you guys want a ride to Ogden on the 25th since you have been extremely late both times we've done stuff in the last month?" Great. Thanks Mom. I was frustrated both times over not being able to get there (the first time it was the jerk who bought my car taking over an hour and a half to get a brain and come pick up the car. The second time it was my fault, but only slightly.)

Anyway, so now that I feel like crap, I think I'm going to go kill myself. Or just mope. At least I had Bajio tonight to make up for being locked out. I'm waiting again, and I hate it. I'm tired of it. And I really just would like to be done now, please. Thank you.

May I have your attention please...

2007-05-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

...The Utah Clean Air Act prohibits smoking--

Oh wait.

(If you've sat in the Salt Lake airport as much as I have you will appreciate my humor. If not, you should travel more. To Salt Lake.)

Children (and not-children), Nate and Kris are leaving Utah on the 25th of May. For reals this time. Now, the 24th is booked because of early Pirates premieres, and the 23rd is the TWO HOUR season finale of LOST, so the 22nd is really the only day we can get together for a going away fiasco. I mean, party. I propose we do laser tag at Laser Assault (due to my plethora of free game coupons) and then dine on Red Robin's. Please come, friends, for this will be the last time Nate will see you until December, and the last time I will see you until July.

Any questions comments or concerns you know how to get in touch with me :)

Let's Talk

2007-05-14T11:49:00.002-07:00

Women's Conference was amazing. I can't wait to go again next year.

Arkansas was surprisingly uncrappy. I may have fallen in love with it, even. It kind of reminds me of England with an extra thousand percent of humidity. We bought a house, we ate frozen custard daily, and we experienced a serious miracle on the way. Nate wanted to kill me because I had to go to the bathroom, but I wanted to kill him more for more reasons than one. Both of us are still alive.

And now I am worried about school. Even though I am good at messing things up, I want my degree (dangit.) And here is my dilemma: University of Arkansas = party school, $4000 tuition (higher for the first year). John Brown University = private, evangelical Christian school, $16,000/semester. Missouri Southern State University = looks fine on the outside, $4000 a semester.

While I would kill to go to JBU, I think MSSU is going to be my best bet. Even if it is an hour from our house (UArk is almost that far anyway.)

At this point I don't care what my major is as long as I get through fast. I'd like to go for Psychology though. Or Communications. With a minor in Spanish. We will see.

Today is my first day off in almost two weeks. I am celebrating by updating my seven thousand blogs, watching Moulin Rouge, and generally lounging about in laziness. Mmm, laziness. I have been able to read a lot over the last week and it has been fabulous. I went to the library and stocked up on LDS fiction that I will not have such easy access to in Arkansas. Although the Walmart did have an LDS book section, which freaked Nate and me out in a positive way.

Last night was the last time I will see the Reeder's for a while. It was pretty sad. It was one of the better times I have had hanging out with them, and I will miss them. Stupid moving. Sigh. Also every time I eat, I feel sick afterwards. This makes me want to eat more, because I feel like maybe I need more food to settle my stomach. It never works though, and thus becomes a vicious cycle. Not really pukey sick, just...I don't feel good :( and now I am going to try some toast.

Notice

2007-05-06T00:27:00.000-07:00

After my last day at work, BYU Women's Conference, spiritual highs, friends and craziness, driving a million miles, figuring out what I am doing with school (for the moment) and now preparing for our pre-move visit to Arkansas till Thursday:

Phew.

Rio!

2007-04-28T16:34:00.000-07:00

(My mommy is fine. She had an obstructed bowel. She will meet with a surgeon on Wednesday to see if they need to open her up, but for now she is okay.)

My husband loves me! He bought me a puppy!!!! We can't pick up the puppy until June because he is too small, but we have a deposit on him and everything! His name is Rio. He is a Goldendoodle. I am. So. Dang. Excited. Squee!!!

As a side note, Nate's 24th birthday is tomorrow. My husband he is an old man, but I do not care because he bought me a puppy!!!

Panic

2007-04-27T11:55:00.000-07:00

I checked my phone around 10 to see if I had any texts. No texts, but a voicemail. From ... my dad? Ugh, probably calling to yell at me about something. Gah.

At 10:30 I am bored and curious, so I sneakily dial my voicemail while being slightly nervous that one of my supervisors is going to catch me. I care not!! Listen to the voicemail: "Amanda, this is your mother."

Jiggahuh? Why you call from Dad's phone?

"I'm in the hospital." I run into the breakroom and listen to the rest of the message, which involves stuff like "I'm not sure what happened, but something happened in my tummy," and "They're deciding if they need to do surgery." I hang up and go back onto the floor. "Supervisor," I say, panicking, "I need to go. My mom is in the hospital." Supervisor grunts, I skedaddle. I run into Pratt. I freak out. I call Nate. I freak out. I get to Center St in Orem ish and I get a call saying that Mom is fine, she's resting at home. I am still freaking out, so I go have lunch with Nate to calm down.

I am now absolutely drained of all energy, most likely due to the mass amounts of adrenaline that were coursing through my system earlier. I am debating whether to sleep or to go back to work. Work = boredom, albeit there is a scrapbooking store I would like peruse and this is the last time I can. Also I have not picked up my paycheck yet. Sleep = blessed, glorious, and holy.

Maybe I will ask Pratt or Kayla or Brad to pick up what I want from the store next time it's open. And go get my paycheck near closing time. yeah... must sleep now.

Boys speak in rhythm, and girls in code.

2007-04-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

Why is it that puppies cost thousands of dollars? I don't understand. How can it possibly cost that much to house a puppy for 8 weeks before you sell it? When I was a kid you could get a golden retriever puppy for $5-10. Now it's more like $500 is the very, very cheapest. And what if I don't want a purebred? I cannot find cheap dogs anywhere. I want a puppy because I want to raise it, otherwise I'd just go to the pound. What I really want is a Goldendoodle, but the cheapest one I've found is $850. People, I can get a car for that much. It's just a dog. Give me one for free. Please?

Laser tag last night was fun. I bled off some frustration. I was very ornery yesterday, which resulted in Pratt taking a shower a bit sooner than he expected. Sorry Pratt.

Oh, we have a new timeline.

May 2: Kris's last day at CTMH
May 7-10: Kris and Nate visit Arkansas
May 11-17: Nate works at Icon, Kris packs the house
May 18-23: Kris and Nate go to California
May 23: Kris and Nate go to Arkansas
May 29: Nate starts at Wal-Mart
May 30: Kris dies

Yippee skippy.

*of course, I post this and then two hours later come across a posting on Arkansas Craigslist: Free labradoodle.

#($*@&#!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE HOLD HIM TILL MAY 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We will be disappointed together pt 2

2007-04-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess that's it then.

What the...?!

2007-04-16T18:58:00.001-07:00

I just came across this quote in writing English tests. This is straight out of a textbook. Dang, I wish I had this guy for a teacher when I was in Shakespeare. Wow.

"That said, let’s move on to the Bard’s (a nickname for Shakespeare) longest and most famous work, Hamlet. Hamlet is about a giant radioactive newt awakened from its million-year-long hibernation in the Arctic by Richard Simmons doing jumping jacks on the Titanic. No! No! Wait! That's not right! But it does have ghosts, murder, sex, humor, mystery, assassinations, double-crossing and suicide. Interested? "

I should think so!

An announcement

2007-04-15T13:47:00.000-07:00

It's been real friends, but we're out of here.

This announcement was to be made last night, but because I was PSYCHOTIC, we skipped out. In short, Nathaniel and I are moving to Arkansas.

Nate got the job with Wal-Mart, and after much deliberation and freaking-outyness, we have decided that Arkansas is where we need to be. Even if it is...Arkansas. We are not sure when we are leaving yet, but suffice it to say it will most likely be in May. I will be back for sure in July for Kayla's wedding (Nate may not make it back, but I'll be here come hell or high water.) We may or may not be back in December (we had plans to be sealed in the Timpanogos temple until we realized that Winter Quarters is only 6 hours from Bentonville. Bwahhahaa.)

I'm alternately excited and terrified. Not knowing WHEN we are leaving is driving me crazy. The details of the next month or so are driving me crazy, because we don't know anything yet. But hopefully tomorrow we'll get most things squared away.

So ladies and gents, that's that. If you want to hang out with us better get that done right away, because come June we'll be history. (Eep.)

Mew.

2007-04-05T14:11:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at work. I am working here while my husband is in Arkansas interviewing for Walmart. Why is it that I am more nervous about this job interview than he is? Yeesh.

For those of you who wish to know, Rocky Point Haunted House is closing. Next weekend is its final weekend. We will be attending ROCKY POINT HAUNTED HOUSE on Saturday, April 14. It will rock socks. Afterwards there may even be a Red Robin's or Applebee's trip. Time TBA. w00t.

Messing up again.

2007-04-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today I cut for the first time in a little under 13 months. It felt good.

(April Fool's.)

I have rediscovered my unholy addiction to A) Chocolate Milk and B) Spaghetti Squash. I also made a banana cream pie today and I hope it turns out good. We haven't eaten it yet. I have decided when I have children I am going to feed them vegetables, a new one a week, until we run out of ones to try. I wish my parents had fed me vegetables when I was a kid. Maybe then I would like them instead of relying solely on french fries for my "vegetable serving." I'm also going to work on introducing fruit to Nate's and my diet, but that's a little tricky for me since I'm allergic to everything on the planet. I did buy apples though and I'm going to take one to work tomorrow. If I die then at least I get paid while it's happening :)

When I was in England my diet was chocolate, chicken sage sandwiches, pasta cheese salad, and Diet Coke/or carbonated Apple/Orange juice. My mom asked me once, when I had just written a long LJ post on how much chocolate I had eaten: "didn't I teach you better than that? What about the food groups?"

"Well," I replied, "chocolate is made of cacao beans, so there's my vegetable, and milk/cream, so there's my dairy. So by eating chocolate I'm having at least two food groups a day!"

(In truth, all growing up my family was addicted to Little Debbie's Snack Cakes, fries, burgers, ice cream, and other deliciousness. There were rarely any healthy snacks in my house, so I grew up eating crap and thus my diet is crap. My whole family is way overweight, except my mom, who cheated and had gastric bypass surgery and lost all of her weight forever.)

I like reading cookbooks. The last month I have had zero desire to try to make anything, but I enjoy earmarking the pages and thinking "Mmm, that sounds good, and I bet I could make it!" The pie kind of made me want to start cooking again though.

Nate leaves for Arkansas this week. Until last week I was completely gung-ho on going. The last couple of days have been hard for me. For example, until last weekish I was feeling distant from Kayla and thought maybe it wouldn't be so hard to leave. Then we started working together and I'm realizing that not being able to talk to her every day is going to suck. And I don't know. I have an extremely hard time making new friends, and it scares me to move to new places. I don't know what will happen, but I know that there will be lots of praying this week. We'll see where it goes once Nate gets back, and if they even offer him the job. I may be freaking out over nothing in the first place here.

This week is going to bite though. Nate will be gone on Wednesday/Thursday. I am getting up and going to work from 5-8 in the warehouse and 8-4:30 at the regular job. Then I will have to come home and bust my @$$ on English, because it's due on Monday and we still have around 15 units to do. So working from 5a-10p. Yeah right, let's see if this actually happens. I'm fair confident it won't. I did take Friday off though, and that's going to be my AWESOME GIRL'S DAY OF DOOM where I go get my hair done and do other stuff. It's also our 4 month anniversary.

And I am long-winded. Yay.

Realizations and sneakiness

2007-03-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

Last night marked one year since Nathaniel and I started dating.

I posted a blog last year at some point, about how everything is going to change and how everyone will grow up and get married and move off and have their own little lives. At the time I was ...mildly concerned that this would mean I would get left behind. It's ironic that I'm the one who started the trend in my little group. Krateizzling. Mattiam. Kajlamin. Insert your own clever combination here.

Marriage is a beautiful but weird thing. You're taking two people who live completely separate lives and combining them into one. Now you're a person who lives two lives. You live yours, and you live your spouse's. And then when you have kids--how does that work? Your whole life changes, your whole self-image changes. My sense of identity definitely changed.

I remember the first time I realized that this was actually, really, never going to end. That Nate was never going to leave, and that we would really be together forever and always. It was an amazing feeling. I've never felt that before, never understood that before.

Beautiful, but weird. And complicated. And sometimes I still have a hard time with the fact that I am married, even though I love my husband very much. And I have a hard time with mistakes I've made, and am making, and will make, but that's another topic for another time.

Re: Announcement

2007-03-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

Aaand Red Robin's on the 30th is cancelled on account of Nate's mission reunion. Reschedule for our 4 month anniversary and Kayla's almost birthday, April 6th 2007.

Yesterday I realized that I do not belong in my family anymore. It has been this way for about a yearish now, really since I got back from England. Mostly since last July, and most especially since the wedding. Yesterday was probably the last Family Get Together I will attend, which saddens me. It also appears that the Days of Staying With Grandma are at an end as well. We do not get along anymore.

Yesterday was actually a fairly crappy afternoon, but we went to Olive Garden in the evening to celebrate our almost Officialversary and it was fun. We also saw The Last Mimzy, which, I want a Mimzy!!

Today our ward split. Apparently the Lord has heard my prayers for a later church and we will be meeting at 11-2. HOT diggity (that's my favorite church meeting time.) We are members of the brand spanking new Garden 10th ward in the Pleasant Grove Garden stake. I will miss our old bishop because he was really cool, but hopefully New Bishop will be nice too. We'll probably meet with him next week, then Nate will get a job that requires relocation, and we'll meet with New New Bishop in May. It's almost May. Whoa.

In other news, yay for spices and cake and potatoes. Mm, potatoes. I found my mom's old scriptures from when she was a teenager (I was about to say "my age. " sigh) today and that was cool. I used them when I was in seminary as a spare set. They are the white kind that you see in the temples; she got them before they stopped making them for public sale. When we walked out to go to our church meeting tonight there was an Anti-Mormon DVD on our doorstep. Niiiice.

It's nice that I belong to the Nate and Kris family, but I still miss being a part of my family. Oh well. Life, it moves. As always.

We just made a chocolate cake using mayonnaise. And? It's fabulous.

The Difference

2007-03-23T22:53:00.000-07:00

Aight the announcement has been there long enough. If there is not enough interest in Red Robin's this week, Nate and I will go to his mission reunion and hit Red Robin's on the 6th or 7th of April.

The last couple of days have been fabulous. I've been able to hang out with Kayla and it's felt just like Last Year, which I realize that I miss more than I thought. It's not that I don't like being married, because most of the time I do. It's just that, last year was the BEST year of my life, and sometimes I really miss it.

Today was the worst day at work I have ever had, and for the first time it was because work actually sucked and not because I was in a bad mood.

I hope we get to go to Victoria's Secret again on Monday. Tonight Nate bought me amazing smelling spray and lip gloss (which, I am SO addicted to.) But I want more lotion ... and this spray thing...mmmm. VS is the LAST place in the world I'd expect to be recognized, but apparently Nate's cousin works there. That was scary. "You're Kris, right?" "UM. NO. NO I'M NOT. LOOK A BRA!!"

I'm not ever allowed to eat at Fortune again. This was my third time trying and my third time getting ridiculously sick. I even had to miss out on cracker smacker because I was so sick. But it's okay because I just had the most fantastic Wendy's of my life.

I have been listening to a new (to me) band this week called Anberlin. Holy, crap. When I discover new bands I get slightly excessive, so it's no surprise to me that I have been listening to this CD on an average of 4 hours a day (sometimes I listen for 8 hours straight, sometimes I didn't listen that much.) Their Cities album is. fantastic. With lyrics like:

"I want to be your last first kiss"
"Sins like secrets are so very hard to hide"
"I've been wearing the mask for so long I don't know who is underneath"
"I am the patron saint of lost causes"

etc, how can you not be completely in love with their music? And there's no annoying SCREAMING going on, and the main singer actually has a totally decent voice (and he can pull off sounding stressed when he's singing, which I LOVE), and the music is SPECTACULAR, so...yeah. Anyway, I am dying over Anberlin. Love, love love. ("I want to break every clock, the hands of time could never move again. We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives.")

Snack is gone. We gave him away because he's eating our walls. Nate says we can get a kitty! UGH Fortune makes me sick. I am feeling AWESOME tonight and I'm pretty sure it's Anberlin's fault. More tomorrow I guess. I forgot what I was going to write about next, oh well.

There's an art in seclusion. Production in depression.

Quote of the day.

2007-03-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh! My fingers taste like grape!

...

I'm delicious!!

Announcement:

2007-03-18T22:52:00.000-07:00

March 30*.

Red Robin's. Some undetermined almost last or last day in March. 7:00 p.m. There will be food. There will be eating of food. Hopefully there will be no throwing up of food. There will be fun. There will be having of fun. Hopefully there will be no throwing up of fun. There will be INSANITY. There will be...

Well, you get the idea.

(PS: Pratt, there will be no free meals for you. This time.)

It has come to my attention that 31 March is Conference, therefore we will be rendevouzing at Red Robin's on 30 March 2007 at 7:00 in the eventide.

Hee.

2007-03-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

God? My brilliance is now becoming a bit of a burden. Get back to me.

So, let's talk.

2007-03-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a celebratory day. 1 month since I started working at Close To My Heart, 8 months since I started keeping a scripture journal. 12 months since I just started becoming more active in the church (although I don't remember myself being particular "active" until Easter of last year.) 12 months since the last time I cut.

It was a big day for me.

Today I have the day off, due to a really weird punishment policy at aforementioned job, which, if I wasn't going to be working a 52 hour week (well, 46 now) or if I didn't have a buttload of things to catch up on, I might be upset about. But as for now, I'm just chilling. I'm updating various blogs and then I'll get started on English writing, grocery shopping, scripture reading, and house cleaning.

Let me tell you how freakishly depressed I have been lately. It's been quite freakish. I have been off and on on wanting to go on a mission since I was 14. On 29 December 2002 I was asked if I was planning on going on a mission. "Um, I don't know. I'm 15." I was told I would be a great missionary. When Nate asked me to marry him I decided that I didn't want to go on a mission. Well, something in that statement came back to bite me on the butt. For the last two months or so I have been dead depressed over the fact that I can't go on a mission when I turn 21. Please don't comment with "every member a missionary!" or "you'll go when you turn a million years older," because I know this. Believe me, I know this.

Anyway, that coupled with other things has made me basically want to die for the last couple of weeks. But oh well. Life goes on. As soon as I can get my #$(* camera to work I'd love to post some pictures of Zion's, and the St. George and Mt. Timpanogos temple. Argh.

Yay for lazy spring days where you don't have to work but you really should get started on cleaning and working and reading.

Did you?

2007-03-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

Did you say everything you could?
Do the things that you thought you would?
Did it ever occur to you that this could be your final day?
Did you go where you wanted to go?
Learn about what you wanted to know?
Did you ever really give something back instead of always taking it?

Did you find what you're looking for?
Did you get your foot in the door?
Can you look at yourself and feel proud of all the things you've done?
Did you inspire the ones that you knew?
Make a difference to those who knew you?
Did you finally figure out what it is that makes us who we are today?

Did you always give it your best?
Is there anything you regret?
If you could have another shot at it all,
Would you do it just the same?

Was it all that you thought it could be?
Are you the person you thought you would be?
Or did it feel like you were spinning your wheels,
Instead of moving forward everyday?

Don't waste another day
You never know when you'll get one
Don't waste another day
To do anything you haven't done.

Did you?